Bust Out The Pepaw Sweaters, Y'All

In honor of the late Mr. Rogers' birthday, March 20 has been heralded "Sweater Day".



The AP reports that "Sweater Day" is the capstone to a six-day celebration planned by Family Communications Inc. of Pittsburgh. Rogers created the company to produce his show.

6 days?!?! Dayum! That's like Mardi Gras or somethin'!

Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was the shit back in the day! I loved the Land of Make Believe and those crazy-ass handpuppets of royalty.

For the love of everything Holy, people, Mr. McFeely has asked you to wear a sweater! Do it, dammit!

Vive la Mr. Rogers sweater!

That Don't Look Natural

The other day, I posted about how the world can't seem to get enough of Christina Aguilera's post-pregger boobies. My point was, "What's the big damn deal?"

Here she is takin' her puppies out for a walk, and in lookin' at her assets in the photo below, you'll notice two things:

1) Her shits are wonky
2) She got more blue veins than Estelle Getty



Now, as I've stated before, I've given birth (through the hoo-ha, thank you very much -- no C-Section cheatin' goin' on down there), and I've breastfed, so I can say this to you, Christina, mother to mother: Honey, please put 'em away 'til they're ready to be seen in public. When your chesticles look like a road map, they just ain't ready.

Those milk ducts are pushin' the implants hither & yon. Or vice versa.

That is not a breast shape found in nature. That shit looks painful!

Ouch!

Dayum! Those European footballers ain't no joke! Homies are straight up evil.

Birmingham City defender, Martin Taylor, made a leg-breaking tackle on Arsenal striker, Eduardo, in Saturday's Premier League match. A lot of people are claiming that the play was intentional and they're now calling for Taylor's head.

Well, not really, but you know how serious those soccer crazies are! Taylor better hire his ass some bodyguards, STAT! Those Arsenal fans could be out for blood.

Television stations refused to show replays of the gruesome tackle. I'm gonna post some photos below, so if ya don't wanna see 'em, don't scroll down. Not much blood, but still cringe-inducing.

Some have said that Taylor deserves a life ban from the sport for the "horror tackle". Hmm, they may be on to somethin' there.

Arsene Wenger was quoted as saying: "Taylor should never play again. People will say he is not the type of guy who does that. But it is like a guy who kills only once in his life. There is still a dead person."

Eduardo, 24, underwent surgery to repair the compound fracture of his fibula and tibia. It is uncertain when he will be able to return to the pitch, as his career may be over. Sad.

Stop The Presses! Christina Aguilera Has Big Boobs!

What is the big freakin' deal about Xtina's boobage? She just had a baby for cryin' outloud!



Post after post after post after post after post of folks talkin' 'bout her cleavage. Yes, we know. Get over it already.

She had big fakes ones *before* she got preggers, so what do you expect now?

I've got big hoots, too, and you don't see me talkin' about 'em all the time. They were nice to have back in the day, but once those suckers became a food source, not so much.

So can we now all move on from her lactation stations and discuss somethin' else?

Dead Girl Smoking

OK, so maybe Anna Friel (aka "Dead Girl"/Chuck) from Pushing Daisies ain't as healthy as she wanted us to believe last week.

Anna was caught tokin' it up on a photo shoot break the other day.

I don't know what's more shocking: that she's a smoker, or that her baby-daddy is Professor Remus Lupin from Harry Potter!

Yep, Gracie Ellen Mary's pops is David Thewlis.

Yikes!

Nip/Tuck Season Finale (Spoilers)

Anybody else in the world watch this hotness but me?



(Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! If you haven't seen the season finale of Nip/Tuck yet, don't read this shit then email me bitchin' 'bout what I wrote.)

I've been a fan of this trashy show since the beginning, with the exception of last season -- the season when Julia was screwin' the midget nanny.....? I'm a huge fan of midget nannies, but for some reason I just couldn't get with it last year.

But this year, holy shit! I couldn't get enough!

I'll be the first to admit, the first epi of the season, I was like, "What the fuck...?! This shit best get better than this or Ryan Murphy's ass is in trouble!" That whole "Hearts & Scalpels" and movin' to L.A. shit was just too damn tacky.

Thankfully, it did pick up. Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) was still a complete dickhead, but the storylines weren't as far-fetched as they have been in seasons past (with the exception of the last couple episodes when Matt was sleepin' with his then-unknown half-sister, Emme...but whatever. It happens to the best of us).

Sharon Gless (Cagney & Lacey fame) played Colleen Rose, Sean McNamara's (Dylan Walsh) psycho wanna-be manager this season and her ass deserves a damn Oscar!

Oscar, Emmy, Tony, Golden Globe, Grammy, BET, CMA, SAG, Essence, Vh1 Big In '08, MTV Video Music, Nickelodeon Kids' Choice, Car & Driver, Darwin, Webby -- every award under the effin' SUN!

That bitch was C-R-A-Z-Y!! Made me hafta watch with the lights turned on! Ho was cree-py!

(I'll repeat: SPOILER COMIN' UP!)

In the final scene of the season, Colleen's certifiable ass came into the O.R. & stabbed Sean in the back with a huge-ass, shiny-ass butcher's knife about 5 or 6 times. He fell to the floor chokin' & spurtin' blood outta his mouth, with poor little Annie (the daughter no one cares about this season) layin' on the operating table, completely unaware of the goings-on in the room.

Then..........

BLACK

Certainly, Sean can't die. He's a main character!

Who would be the Thelma to Christian's Louise? Who would be the Tim Gunn to Christian's Heidi Klum? Who would be the Krystle Carrington to Christian's Alexis Carrington Colby? Who would be the Dorothy Zbornak to Christian's Sophia Petrillo?

You get the idea...

If Sean dies, I won't come back. He was the main reason I tuned in. Unlike most horny old women, I didn't tune in to see Christian screw everything with a pulse. Sean's the one who did it for me, and believe it or not, he kept his clothes on most of the time.

I'd totally rock Dylan Walsh (sorry MeMe). So if he goes, I go. No other reason to watch.



So how many months will I have to wait, Ryan Murphy?! When will the next season begin? When will I be able to rest comfortably at night knowing that Sean lives?!?!!?

When, Ryan Murphy? When, when, when, when???

Get Well Mark DeRosa

Former Atlanta Braves infielder, and current Chicago Cubs 2B, Mark DeRosa, was stretchered off the Fitch Park spring training field on Saturday in Mesa, Arizona, after experiencing an irregular heartbeat during drills.

He is said to be "doing fine" per manager Lou Pinella. He's three days shy of his 33rd birthday.



DeRosa was forced to leave a game last June 20 against the Texas Rangers with an ocular migraine when he lost partial vision in his left eye.

Hey peeps, I have an irregular heartbeat and shit ain't fun. I couldn't imagine puttin' my body through the rigorous activities these dudes experience.

That's why I keep my fat ass on the couch, watchin' TV with a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other.

Can't be too careful when it comes to the ol' ticker.

Get well soon, Mark!

Scott Boras Is A Little Bitch...

...According to Gary Sheffield.

Thursday mornin', Sheff accused Scott Boras of bein' a "bad person" because he's a money-grubbin' ho.

Excuse my ignorance, but, DUH! That's why he represents all y'all greedy bitches!

If I was a greedy slut I'd be a 'bad person', too. I'd swiftly sign myself up to rake yo' ass over the coals for as long as I could!

Naturally, I'm a Sheffield fan because he's a former Atlanta Braves player and I secretly *want* to root for his ass (so it's by association), but since he's currently playin' for my husband's team (and my mortal nemesis by default), the Detroit Tigers, I don't give a rat's hairy ass about him anymore!

OK, maybe I'm not so much a Sheff fan. The fucker.

He's just tryin' to get his old-ass Pepaw mug in the paper these days.

Kiss it, Gary Sheffield! Kiss it!

I'm irritated, so just read the damn story already!

I'm (Officially) Gonna Live!

As you know, I've been obsessed with the story of the dead spy satellite that was gonna fall on my triflin' ass and kill me.

But the US Navy's plan to kill my predator before it had a chance to block me from retrievin' my Diamonique worked!

So I'll be wearin' that fantabulous Diamonique ankle bracelet when I'm on vacay in 3 weeks. Sa-weet!

The US government loves me.

This Has It All

Did y'all watch the Project Runway reunion last night?!?! It was great!

I can't stand Carmen! She was sheddin' the tears of Satan.

But please watch this clip for the following reasons:

• The beauty of Chris March, aka Dom DeLuise, cacklin' to beat the band
• Michael Kors laughin' hysterically at those WWE Diva whores
• Ferocia Coutura, aka My Girlfriend! She's "fiersssssss"!
• Mr. Kors lookin' like the lost member of Wham!

It's sheer beauty! Enjoy!

And just because.......you must must must fast forward to 7:20 of *this* vid to see a tribute to Ricky's bawlin' ass. It's fabo! But homegirl did NOT look happy about it!

Wonder who's gonna win!???

I can't wait to see New York Fashion Week on the next epi -- I wanna see if Rami tries to push more draped jersey down the catwalk, if Chris tries show huge drag costumes, if Christian creates more drama, if oatmeal-ass Jillian can keep folks AWAKE! She's so zzzzzzzzzzz Ugh!

Anyhoobs, I'm excited for the next 2 weeks, bitches!

Ferocia Coutura!

Happy Birthday, Blanche Devereaux!

That sexy woman, Rue McClanahan, turns 74 today.

Happy birthday, slut!



"I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo." -- Miz Blanche Devereaux

Brett Myers Would So Be On My List

And the Oscar goes to......

I never cared for Brett Myers, but after this, I'd kick his ass when no one was lookin'. Bitch better sleep with one eye open.

Myers was the "mastermind" behind a prank played on poor Kyle Kendrick of the Philadelphia Phillies. They broke the news to Kendrick that he'd been traded to a Japanese team for a player named Kobayashi Iwamura.

There *is* no player named Kobayashi Iwamura and MLB players can't be traded to Japan. Dayum!



The whole effin' world was in on this "joke" -- Phillies assistant GM Ruben Amaro Jr., manager Charlie Manuel, Kendrick's agent, the media.

Shit, even the traveling secretary was an accomplice! You know you're fucked when the traveling secretary is blazin' your ass! The dupe was complete with a fake "press conference" in the locker room.

Needless to say, the whole thing was caught on video and posted on youtube for the entire online world to see. In the video, Kendrick looks like he wants to fly across the table and choke Manuel to death.

Poor dude. I just wanna give him a hug.

Well, on the bright side, it looks like Myers has gotten past the whole "beatin' his wife's ass in public" incident. Way to go, Brett!

Oh, and great actin' jobs by everyone involved. I guess if Myers blows out his arm, he can always fall back on his thespian endeavors.

"Dead Girl" Sighting!

It's so great to see Anna Friel out & about in L.A. with cutie-pie daughter, Gracie, 2.




Hopefully, Charlotte "Dead Girl/Chuck" Charles (from my fave show Pushing Daisies) is gettin' geared up to head back to the production studio!

Can't wait for new epis!

I'd love to see new pics of Lee Pace......sigh.

Work it gurl!

Tailor Made Was Sited...But For The Wrong Reason

Gatecrasher reports that George "Tailor Made" Weisgerber flipped off a cop in Chelsea last week and was slapped with a disorderly conduct summons.

Allegedly, Tailor Made also cussed out the po-po in front of nightclub Taj and jay-walked. Gasp! Jay-walked?! FELON!



It was denied that any cussin' took place; supposedly he "got swept up" in a separate disturbance outside a different club.

They shoulda locked his ass up & thrown away the key for playin' tonsil hockey with that hot manly mess, New York!

Shit, that's the *real* crime!

Little Georgie has a court date later this month.

Sacramento Queens

Haha! Looks like a few Sacramento Kings dancers are in hot water after sexy pics of 'em boozin' it up & actin' like whores leaked onto the internet last week.

Photos of the Kings' Royal Court dance team feature them in g-strings & fug socks (thankfully not worn at the same time, that would be *totally* unacceptable!), drinkin' cheap ass wine of some sort and standin' in a bathroom. I don't get it.







I'm disappointed. This shit is WEAK! Zero creativity!

They shoulda called up former beauty queen Katie Rees for some photographical advice. That bitch knows how to throw down in front of a camera!

I'm ready for my close-up, y'all!

Call A Cab, Bitches!

Buffalo Bills receiver Roscoe Parrish was popped for DUI early yesterday morning.

Um, yea, nothin' says "blend right in" like drivin' a Bentley down the highway at 4:30 in the mornin'...good grief!

He shoulda picked up the Yellow Pages and let his fingers do the walkin'. Or his legs. Either way, he woulda stayed outta the pokey.

When are these hos gonna learn?

R.I.P. Mr. Wahlberg

Donald E. Wahlberg, father of Mark & Donnie Wahlberg, passed away on Valentine's Day.

How sad!

OK, So Maybe I'm Gonna Live After All

Now I can rest easy at night.

It seems as though the US will try to shoot down that out-of-control spy satellite that's barrelling towards Earth at an alarming rate.

The dead satellite will be about 150 miles up when an anti-missile missile will be fired from a US Naval ship. The cost of attempting to destroy the satellite will be in the range of $40-60 million!

The US military heard my pleas to live and have decided to spend all that money to keep me safe! I can't thank you enough!



I guess now I can check my mail without fear of this thing fallin' on my ass.

Praise ye the Lord!

Oh, and if you're interested in watchin' the satellite before it gets blasted to smithereenies, click here to find out how.

I Don't Hate Jayson Stark...Today

I used to be a huge fan of ESPN's Jayson Stark, but a couple of years ago, I fell out of love with him. I don't know why. Maybe it was a single column he wrote that really pissed me off. I don't know, I just wasn't feelin' him anymore. Hey, it happens in a lot of relationships, what can I say?

I just read this piece about the return of Tom Glavine to the Atlanta Braves and I actually *enjoyed* it!

I don't hate Jayson Stark!

Well, today anyway.


(Glavine - spring training 2008)

I was shocked -- I thought Stark would rip the Braves for bringin' back the pepaw that is Glavine; I thought he might even go so far as to predict that the Braves would finish 4th in the NL East because the team still hadn't found the fire-power it needed to solidify the rotation's Big 3.

It appears to me that Stark is actually EXCITED about the return of Glavine. And his excitement kinda fired me up, too!

Reminiscing of the fabulosity that was once the Braves starting rotation that included Glavin, John Smoltz & Greg Maddux, this was the best part:

"So take a moment, when Glavine and Smoltz come to town this summer, to ponder what they represent. They were part of something that probably isn't coming along again for the next thousand years or so."

I was already happy to see pepaw return to the rotation that features Smoltz & Tim Hudson, but had I read a shitty story from Stark on the subject, I don't think I could've taken it. It woulda been the straw that broke the spring training camel's back. I most definitely would've had to write Mr. Stark a nasty-gram telling him what an asshole he is for tryin' to bring us fans down.

But not today...

Today I say, "Thank you, Jayson Stark. Thank you for makin' me not hate you."

Tomorrow could be a different story. So right now I'm gonna ride my feelings of joy & contentment all the way to Pizza Hut. Seriously, I'm goin' to Pizza Hut.

I'm out...

Separated By A Cheap Pleather Jacket & A Brown Weave

Donna Mills circa 1984, is that you?

No, it's Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, lookin' like a 45-year-old ex-stripper addicted to Restylane and Merle Norman Total Finish cake foundation.

Not real sure who was in charge of Hannah's get-up for the Grammys on Sunday, but DAYUM!! Hopefully homegirl (or homeboy) is on her way back to her old job at Sally Beauty Supply.

Poor Miley looks like a blow-up doll.

I know you're all young & shit, Miley, so you may not know this, but "blow-up doll" is not a good look for the red carpet, sweetie.





Miley's only 15 years old!!!!! Shouldn't a 15-year-old have REAL EYEBROWS these days?!?! Shit!

And a trout-pout on a high school freshman is all kindsa not cute. If I could, I'd bitch-slap the highlights right off of Billy Ray's head for allowin' this to take place right under his surgically-enhanced nose!

Miley kinda looks like a flesh-colored balloon filled with sand...Sad.

File This One Under "DUH!"

The Associated Press reports that former Atlanta Braves reliever John Rocker admitted in a recent radio interview that he used steroids when he was with the Texas Rangers and Commish new about it.

"Bud Selig knew in the year 2000 John Rocker was taking the juice," the former pitcher said Monday of the baseball commissioner on Atlanta radio station 680. "Didn't do anything about it."

My mouth is agape. I am shocked. Astounded. Stunned. Absolutely blown-away!

I mean, who the hell talks about himself in third-person like that? Geesh.



Let's face it, is anyone really shocked that he was juiced up? Hell no!

I'd be more surprised if he wasn't on steroids. It would be a bigger shocker if he started crusadin' with Al Sharpton!

Save your angry emails, loyal readers. I know the POINT of the story was that Commish knew he was shootin' up. I'm over that. I just can't get over John Rocker talkin' about "John Rocker."

Who gives a shit about this cross-eyed asshole anymore?

Tell me why they even invited this douche on the air? Is the news world REALLY that slow in the ATL that a media outlet would scour the bottom of every pond in the south to drudge up his limp ass? Why would you give this leech airtime?

I'm disappointed in you, 680. Saddened.

Johan's The Man

I gotta hand it to the New York Mets. They're slowly becoming the poor man's New York Yankees. Recently, the Mets have hit up the banker and dished out some big bucks for big name players.

Take the Mets' off-season acquisition of Johan Santana, for example. $137.5 million for 6 years ain't nothin' to sneeze at! (And to think, in our off-season tranactions, we got Mark Kotsay. Woo hoo.)

Although I'll continue to talk trash & hate on the Mets (that's what a Braves fan must do, right?), I have a feelin' Santana will help bury Atlanta in the NL East standings in '08. Sad, but probably true.

I really hope I'm wrong. Shit, in a perfect world, my Braves would end the regular season with a record of 162-0.


(Watch the cutie-pie Santana sit down for Sunday Conversation on ESPN.)

Even with the probability of the Braves fallin' waaaaaay short of makin' the playoffs, I'm excited about watchin' Santana pitch for our mortal nemesis. He's an unbelievable pitcher, so it'll be interesting to see how he adjusts to, and learns about, new NL hitters.

I think we're in for a great '08 season, bitches!!!

4 Days & Counting

Pitchers & catchers report to spring training on Valentine's Day, while position players report Feb. 19. So the more geeked I get about the start-up of the 2008 MLB season, the more baseball posts you'll see here at the Kastle.

In my trollin' the 'net for all things baseball, I came across this nice little piece from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's Furman Bisher. He gives a well-written overview of the Braves' pitching situation (Mike Hampton included, of course) and our perceived question marks for various positions, i.e. Mark Kotsay replacin' Andruw Jones in CF, Yunel Escobar becomin' our starting SS after losin' Edgar Renteria.

But I have to give the "Dan Dierdorf Award" to the AJC's Dave O'Brien for his "10 keys to success for the Braves in 2008." You know how Dierdorf was famous for stating the obvious when he was in the booth for Monday Night Football back in the day? (For example, something to the effect of, "the Rams have *got* to convert on 4th down if they want to get a fresh set of downs.") Well, O'Brien pretty much does the same thing in this story.

We know we have to keep our starters healthy. We know we have to keep Chipper "I'm Made of Glass" Jones off the DL. We know we need a strong, steady bullpen with an established closer. We know we need Kotsay to not play like shit. Duh!

I digress...

I'm a little excited about Javy Lopez signing a minor league contract with the club and being invited to spring training. If he makes it, it'll be good to see him in a Braves uniform again. Or out of one...



Since I've segued into shirtless baseball players, can someone tell me who the hell was behind THIS photo shoot?!?!



Apparently, back in the 90s, Sports Illustrated did a story on shortstops. For some reason, dudes took off their shirts. This is bothersome.

Derek Jeter probably came up with the idea because he loves himself so much, and A-Rod went along with it just so he could see Jeter topless. But I can't believe Rents agreed to do this shit!

Rocket's Wife On The Juice

Reports surfaced Friday that Debbie Clemens, wife of Roger Clemens, was injected with human growth hormone (HGH) by Rog's former trainer, Brian McNamee. prior to the couple's 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photo shoot.

This is no surprise to me. That bitch scares the shit outta me. I mean, *look* at her!



But can ya blame her for shootin' up? She's given birth to 4 boys: Koby, Kory, Kacy & Kody. She can't be the only person in the house who can't crush a beer can against her forehead, for cryin' outloud!

I know when I start laggin' behind in the strength category in my family, I start hittin' the syringe. I've got B McNamee on speed-dial.

All jokin' aside, Debbie does do a lot in the charity world, so I truly hope this story isn't true. If it were true, the chartities to which she is tied would most likely take a huge hit, and we don't want that to happen.

'Cause she would beat my ass with that bat.

R.I.P. Sign Man

Karl Ehrhardt died Thursday at the age of 83. He was famous for being the "sign man" at Shea Stadium from 1964 to 1981.

Ehrhardt held up custom-made signs at New York Mets home games to "vocalize" his happiness or displeasure with the team. He was awesome!

Only the Mets 1969 World Series victory left him speechless. The sign he raised high after the last out of the WS game read, "There Are No Words."

I consider myself to be an Atlanta Braves fan "my entire life," with the exception of when I lived in southern California for a few years and idolized Robin Roberts. She has nothing to do with this story, by the way...

For some odd reason, I was a Mets fan the entire time I lived in Cali, only attending Los Angeles Dodgers games when the Mets came to town. I was so die-hard with the Mets that I would turn down invitations to Disneyland & Knotts Berry Farm to stay home and tape Mets games ('tape', as in "record". With a VCR. How ghetto! I would actually tape the game as I watched it so I could watch it again later!)

I made gay-ass signs that referenced Mookie Wilson and Darryl Strawberry and took them to Dodgers home games as a 13-year-old, zit-faced kid in hopes that the Mets players would ask me to sit in the dugout with them. Why didn't someone slap me silly back then? I was obviously obsessed & livin' in a dream world.

Sign Man was way before my time as a Mets fan, but he was loved nonetheless.

In memory of Sign Man, Karl Ehrhardt...

He was probably thrilled that the Mets signed Johan Santana.

This One Should Be In The Loonie Bin, Too!

Hells bells!

Move over Delta, Justin, Kim & Britney.

This crazy dude who was denied a liquor license had planned to "shed the blood of the innocent" in an "econopolitical confrontation" at the Super Bowl February 3.

Reportedly, Kurt William Havelock, 35, drove around with an assault rifle and 200 rounds of ammo plannin' to shoot random peeps during pre-game activities because "no one destroys my dream."

For God's sake, dude, it was a LIQUOR LICENSE for a HALLOWEEN-THEMED RESTAURANT named DRUNKENSTEIN'S in TEMPE, ARIZONA, not a kidney!

You are not Susan Lucci with 19 Daytime Emmy nominations and no wins! Miz Lucci never planned a shoot-out on the red carpet of the Daytime Emmys cuz she lost year after year after year after year after year after year...(you get the idea).




Thankfully, Havelock turned himself in and is being held without bail.

Pedro Martinez's Cock Ring Experience

Rooster, that is. Chicken. Fighting. Killing. Gross!

TMZ has obtained a video of Pedro Martinez cockfighting in the Domincan Rebulic with HOF'er Juan Marichal.

The "sport" is not illegal in the DR, but still sick in my opinion.

It's not known if Pedro owns (or perhaps owned) the bird, but he did release it into the ring and took part in chuckling & revelry in the audience as the cockfight continues.

Naturally, PETA's gettin' involved....

I never liked that asshole.

Of course, if he'll do this to pepaw Don Zimmer, it shouldn't surprise me that he'd release an innocent fowl into a pit of death.

Beauty Is As Beauty Does

Good Morning America anchor, Robin Roberts, who announced last July that she has breast cancer, walked in Isaac Mizrahi's studio fashion show today, sans her wig!

She not only rocked Isaac's floor-length red sequined gown, but she also owned her bald beauty. GO GURL!!



Click here to see the show featuring Robin and her gorgeous, bald self! (America's Next Top Model winner Dani Evans also walks, and Robin follows her.) Forward to about the 5:00 mark to see the emotional fabulosity that is RR!

I've been in awe of this woman since I was 13 years old. I lived in Southern California at the time and, being such a sports fan, would literally *run* home from middle school every afternoon to watch Robin anchor SportsCenter.

I was also obsessed with watching Homerun Derby and Up Close with Roy Firestone on ESPN in the afternoons. In addition to the great guests Roy had on his show, his hairline was always a mystery to me and kept me tuned in. I mean, I've never seen anything like it...it wasn't "receding" so it must've been "proceeding", right into his eyebrows on the sides of his head. Whatever. I guess this has now turned into a post about hair. Robin doesn't have any and Roy's is takin' over his whole damn face.




Anyway, I loved to watch Robin work her magic in front of the camera, loved her easy banter with my dream man Dan Patrick, loved her classiness on-air, loved her knowledge of sports. (Did you know she attended Southeastern Louisiana Univerisity and received a tennis scholarship?)

Not only was she one of the few women sportscasters on the biggest sports media outlets -- she was also an African-American.

She was my idol.

Being a fan of hers made me decide at that young age that I wanted to be on SportsCenter when I grew up. I majored in journalism in college, but quickly realized that I had a face for radio and a better knack for writing. Eventually, I went on to become a sportswriter for a newspaper, so I at least got to continue on with my love of sports.

OK, enough about me...I digress.

I was so proud of her for hittin' the runway in her bare beauty! She looked AMAZING!!

LOVE HER!!

Britney Sprung From The Loonie Bin

Brit was released from the psych ward this afternoon and what does she do after she leaves? Naturally, what any sane person would do while currently embroiled in legal battles, restraining orders and conservatorships......she proceeds to drive around L.A.!!!!


Take your fuckin' ass home, bitch!!!


Where's Momma & Poppa Spears?!?!?!




I shouldn't be surprised that the paps are all whipped up into an orgasmic frenzy at this moment, or that myfoxla.com is streaming LIVE VIDEO from a helicopter of the roadway madness. The "reporters" are commenting on her fabulous driving skills and the fact that she's dancing in her car at stop lights, presumably to music she's listening to.



Umm, I doubt she's playin' music in her car -- she's a wackjob!


She should NOT be turned loose back onto the streets of L.A.

Oy!

Perez Hilton is also reporting that Brit's "in the arms of the enemy" which can only mean one thing.

We'll see what transpires from this mess......

Suzanne Sugarbaker In Crazy House

What the hell is wrong with these people?! The loonie bin's claimed another one.



Delta Burke of Designing Women fame checked herself into a psych ward last week for a myriad of reasons: depression, obsessive-compulsive tendencies & "hoarding". Huh?

Is "hoarding" a clinical problem?

Rehab is *so* 2007! Psych wards are hot in '08!

Well, I hope she gets better soon so she can have a yard sale to get rid of her extra crap around the house. Where does she live, anyway? I need me some good wigs!

And BBW of the world need her to get back to the design studio -- swimsuit season's right around the corner!

For shits & giggles, here's a couple of my fave clips from DW....some of Suzanne's finest!

ENJOY!

Mattingly's Wife Arrested

Don Mattingly recently resigned as the Los Angeles Dodgers hitting coach due to "family reasons" and now I'm sure we all know that 'family reason' is his crazed woman!

His estranged wife, Kim, was arrested Feb. 2 and charged with public intoxication and disorderly conduct after police say she refused to leave Donnie Baseball's property in Evansville, Indiana.



Kim told investigators that she believed Don took her cell phone.

I don't blame her -- cellies ain't cheap these days! I'd beat a ho down to get my Razr back, too!

She probably just forgot and left it at Hank's Honky Tonk but in her drunken stupor thought Don stole it.

The couple filed for divorce back in November citing irreconcilable differences.

In her mugshot, Kimmy looks like she ain't slept in months! Bitch could use a blowout from Louis Licari and a weekend in Los Cabos. At the least a trip to MasterCuts and a good night's sleep at Red Roof Inn.

BTW, Don will be the Dodgers special assignment coach for the 2008 season.

Hogs Gettin' A New QB?

The Associated Press is reporting that the Arkansas Razorbacks could be gettin' a new quarterback for the '08 season.

Former Michigan QB, Ryan Mallett (along with his fam and UofA), is filing a waiver with the NCAA to allow him to play immediately, rather than sittin' out a year to become eligible.



We all know that the Razorbacks' passin' game ain't worth a shit (don't let the Aug. '07 story fool ya -- the passin' game is still a steamin' pile, the '07 season didn't improve that any...), and Darren McFadden & Felix Jones have both decided to leave college ball for the greener pastures of the NFL draft, so where does all of this leave the Hogs offense?

I need to hear from The Huns on this one...A-Hun, where are ya, sister?

Casey Dick will be a senior next year, but how could this new turn of events regardin' Mallett change the face of the offense for the Hogs down the road?

Shoppin' Really Ages A Bitch

DAYUM!! What the fuck happened to Brad Pitt?!

7 days ago he was lookin' ripe & succulent enough to pluck from the vine, but today....? Not so much. Ho looks all kinds of busted in the face!

My guess is, it takes a lot outta The-Hotness-That-Is Brad Pitt when he knocks up Angie with 2 babies at once. Shit!

Remind me never to knock up my life partner with twins. A bitch needs to stay supple these days.


(VWR/X17online.com)

Here's Bradsky out shoppin' with Baby Z in the Hills of Beverly yesterday. Does Z get any bigger? Ever?! Are they feedin' her ass?

But me thinks Brad's agin' enough for the both of 'em.

Giants Win! Giants Win! Giants Win!

After a nail-bitin' 4th quarter that eventually saw Eli Manning make THE. BEST. PLAY. EVER., the Giants took the lead 17-14 with less than a minute remaining in the game and held on to win Super Bowl XLII.

Dude was makin' me so nervous, throwin' the ball up in the middle of the field for anybody to bring down. Gettin' forced outta the pocket and havin' to scramble his ass off. I didn't think he'd pull it off. I thought he'd either fumble the ball away or throw an INT to basically end the game.

That play Eli made when he (somehow!) avoided the sack and connected with David Tyree was UNBELIVEABLE!! Tyree caught the ball between one hand and his *helmet!* and managed to hang on for the biggest first-down of his career.

I can't wait to see the replays of that online later! Awesome!!! They'll be talkin' about that play for *years*!! Lovez it!

TIKI WHO?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Muahahahahaha

I'm pretty sure this officially makes Eli a "leader" now.

Poor Jiz. She's Jessica #2. Wah Wah Wah

Super Bowl Experience Thusfar....

We're about 11 minutes into the 3rd quarter of the big dance and, so far, it's been an OK game. At least Eli's not gettin' blown out. Boo, Brady, Boo!!

And of course they've already shown Jiz in the suite, cheerin' on her butt boy. And Jim Carey & Jenny McCarthy in their suite. And Pambo Anderson in her suite. Why the hell is she there? Did she take her boys to the game, too? Where the hell are her boys? Someone should issue an Amber Alert for Dylan & Brandon Lee, for realz!

I didn't care for the half-time show. Tom freakin' Petty & the freakin' Heartbreakers?! Gimme a break! Was Jesus busy tonight? I mean, Tom's about the same age as Jesus, right?

I coulda watched that shit on Vh1 Classic.

Anyhoobs, a few of the commercials are pretty entertaining. I loved the Thrillicious dancin' lizards. I rewound my TiVo a few times to watch that crazy shit over & over. I loved the one who farted fire! No, not Naomi Campbell, that hot-ass lizard. That was funny shit.



At least I get to occasionally see my lover, Joe Buck. Mmmmm. Love that hot piece!

He was in a Pepsi Max commercial for a minute:



I'm off to watch more game action & mediocre commercials.

More later....peas out!

Is The Writers Strike Almost Over?

Word on the street is that the writers strike is about to come to an end -- an agreement could be reached as early as this week.

Hallelujah, holla back!

(Chris Pizzello / Reuters)

I do love me some reality TV, but Vh1 is gettin' outta hand, people. I mean, does the world really need Flavor of Love 3? How old is Flav anyway? Dude's gotta be pushin' 78.

Seems like Vh1 only features memaws & pepaws on its shows...haggard, washed-up musicians & actors.

You've got yer Brett Michaels (Rock of Love 1 & 2), the aforementioned Flavor Flav (Flavor of Love 1, 2 & 3), Celebrity Rehab and its myriad of messy has-beens, Surreal Life 1-57, Christopher Knight & Adrienne Curry (My Fair Brady, wedding, baby, blah blah blah), The Salt & Pepa Show (although I love those bad bitches!), Scott Baio is 122 and has 30 greatgrandkids, Hogan Knows Best (but he didn't know enough to teach his effin' kid how *not* to drive!).

I've enjoyed the "fresh" shows I've seen on Vh1 of late -- The Shot, America's Most Smartest Model, The Agency, yada yada.

But I'm ready to get on with the *good* shows already! I'm over reality tv. I need my Pushing Daisies (I cannot hide my luuuuurve for the Pie Maker. Oh how I miss seeing his lovely face on my TV screen.....sigh.), Grey's Anatomy, Brothers & Sisters, Private Practice, Desperate Housewives.

So please, studios & writers, please please please ink a deal so Flavor Flav will release his grip on our lives!! Puh-leeeeez!!!!???

Oh, and only 56 days til the first Braves game of the '08 season!!! And 57 days til the Bravos' home opener.

BTW, did I mention that I'm goin' to a spring training game whilst in Florida next month? Yea, I'm gonna flash Frenchie the girls during pre-game warmups.

This is how he'll celebrate after seein' MoonKween's goodies:

:)

I'm So Bummed....

Computer's back up & runnin' (my 2 fans, MeMe & Papa, will be pleased) but I'm so sad to report that Paula Abdul will *not* be performin' live at the Super Bowl pre-game show tonight. So not happy!!!!!

It's pre-taped! I've been ROBBED!!!



Her pill-poppin' ass is the only reason I was tunin' in to the pre-game show. God dammit!!

Ugh! I've been watchin' American Idol this season so far and I swear to the Good Lord above, that bitch ain't been lucid ONE. SINGLE. EPISODE.

Her ass is practically layin' on the table, face-down, as per usual. Why do they put up with her ass? If that was ME, I would've been kicked to the curb a long time ago.

What city were they in when Paula's plane was late? Omaha, I think? Did ya see her f*cked up ass try to walk into the building after her plane landed? Jesus Christ!! She must've thought her plane landed on Mars!! She staggered into that joint like Paris Hilton at the pre-Super Bowl 944 magazine party.

Paula thought she OWNED the place. She couldn't put together a coherent sentence, let alone walk a straight line! I loved it!

Crap. Now, all I have to look forward to tomorrow is gettin' drunk. Oh well.....if I must.