He's Overjoyed...You Can Tell, Right??

AWK-WARD!

In the finale of Bravo's Make Me a Supermodel last night, the models received visits from loved-ones after 3 months of being apart.

Ben's wifey, April, was the first to show up at the apartment and Ben looked (and acted) like he'd rather be takin' a dump than sittin' around with her!

WTF?! You haven't seen this woman in 12 (TWELVE!) weeks, dude!!



Maybe he really is secretly in love with Ronnie. Maybe hangin' out with his sobby, weepy spouse made him realize that he has no interest in dealin' with the complexities of the fairer sex.

At least BRONNIE would never have to overcome PMS or pregnancy hormones in their romanticalness.

Amanda, Perry's ex?-girlfriend, showed up, much to his surprise. He wanted to talk thru some thangs but homegirl wasn't havin' it. She bawled & hugged & "I love you"d & kissed & tap-danced around his questions like she was afraid of divulgin' too much info in front of the cameras. Didn't wanna come off lookin' like a skank.

Girlfriend, PLEEZ!

You know you love the spotlight! If you didn't, you wouldn't've been photographed with Adnoid Ghaleeeeeeeeeeb!

Btw, cute little Holly won:

Spring Training, Here I Come!

I want to apologize for being so lax with the postin' this week. A million & one things to do.

I'm tryin' to wrap shit up at work, make my packin' list for the trip, stay on top of the Spawn to get his homework finished/turned in (his little mind is also startin' to drift towards warm, sunny Florida so I can't blame him...), get my Wally World shoppin' list straight, hit the tanning salon regularly (which I absolutely abhor), blah blah blah.

Oh, and while I'm keepin' all those balls in the air (teehee), I'm also tryin' to avoid gettin' the fuckin' Black Plague that seems to have the entire country in its gnarled death grip!

These bitches up in here BET NOT give me their SARS right before I leave for a 2-week trip! I've been sick while on vacay before and shit ain't cute. Trust!

I'm really hopin' I'll get to post while I'm down there, but it's lookin' pretty slim. Get this shit: our resort doesn't have wireless in the buildings! They say we can spend $25/week ($50 total!)to use the WiFi in the main lobby (like, out in the open, in front of Jesus & er'body!), or we have to use the dial up.

Dial up?! What the hell is that?! That's like, soooo 1990s! Sheesh! And besides, Momma needs her privacy!

Anyhoo, here are a few random tidbits from the mind of the Kween:

• Mike Hampton's back on the mound (simulation only)
• I'll be the crazy bitch at the Braves game on March 20. I apologize for anything that may or may not happen while I'm in attendance
• I've upped my usual fantasy baseball leagues from 1 to 3 (I'm sure I'll suck in all 3 and embarrass myself, as per usual)
• Christian "Ferocia Coutura" Siriano is our new Project Runway winner
• American Idol is pretty spiffy this season (although David "Gay Stripper Hotness" Hernandez just got the boot! What the...?! Who the fuck is votin' for Kristy Lee Cook? Go play with your PS2s (or *yourselves*) you horny 15-year-old boys! My new obsession is Jason Castro anyway....)
• Brit Brit's all "normal" & shit now -- bah, BORING!
• Jennifer Aniston & Owen Wilson are "canoodling" onset. zzzzzzzzz
• The Yankees & Devil Rays are already kickin' the shit out of each other (literally) and throwin' 'bows. Love the dramz! Oh, and how *key-yute* is Jonny Gomes!?!?!
• Fuggie Fug & Josh Duhamel are still engaged, I guess. Crap.
• And for all you pervy people all over the world who find your way to the Kastle by way of a "Jeremy Roloff hot" Google search, here he is. And, I'm not certain, but there may be a coupla Jonas Brothers in that photo, too:
  
  
  

P.S. -- Stay strong, Papa! Love you!

Nip/Tuck Season Finale (Spoilers)

Anybody else in the world watch this hotness but me?



(Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! If you haven't seen the season finale of Nip/Tuck yet, don't read this shit then email me bitchin' 'bout what I wrote.)

I've been a fan of this trashy show since the beginning, with the exception of last season -- the season when Julia was screwin' the midget nanny.....? I'm a huge fan of midget nannies, but for some reason I just couldn't get with it last year.

But this year, holy shit! I couldn't get enough!

I'll be the first to admit, the first epi of the season, I was like, "What the fuck...?! This shit best get better than this or Ryan Murphy's ass is in trouble!" That whole "Hearts & Scalpels" and movin' to L.A. shit was just too damn tacky.

Thankfully, it did pick up. Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) was still a complete dickhead, but the storylines weren't as far-fetched as they have been in seasons past (with the exception of the last couple episodes when Matt was sleepin' with his then-unknown half-sister, Emme...but whatever. It happens to the best of us).

Sharon Gless (Cagney & Lacey fame) played Colleen Rose, Sean McNamara's (Dylan Walsh) psycho wanna-be manager this season and her ass deserves a damn Oscar!

Oscar, Emmy, Tony, Golden Globe, Grammy, BET, CMA, SAG, Essence, Vh1 Big In '08, MTV Video Music, Nickelodeon Kids' Choice, Car & Driver, Darwin, Webby -- every award under the effin' SUN!

That bitch was C-R-A-Z-Y!! Made me hafta watch with the lights turned on! Ho was cree-py!

(I'll repeat: SPOILER COMIN' UP!)

In the final scene of the season, Colleen's certifiable ass came into the O.R. & stabbed Sean in the back with a huge-ass, shiny-ass butcher's knife about 5 or 6 times. He fell to the floor chokin' & spurtin' blood outta his mouth, with poor little Annie (the daughter no one cares about this season) layin' on the operating table, completely unaware of the goings-on in the room.

Then..........

BLACK

Certainly, Sean can't die. He's a main character!

Who would be the Thelma to Christian's Louise? Who would be the Tim Gunn to Christian's Heidi Klum? Who would be the Krystle Carrington to Christian's Alexis Carrington Colby? Who would be the Dorothy Zbornak to Christian's Sophia Petrillo?

You get the idea...

If Sean dies, I won't come back. He was the main reason I tuned in. Unlike most horny old women, I didn't tune in to see Christian screw everything with a pulse. Sean's the one who did it for me, and believe it or not, he kept his clothes on most of the time.

I'd totally rock Dylan Walsh (sorry MeMe). So if he goes, I go. No other reason to watch.



So how many months will I have to wait, Ryan Murphy?! When will the next season begin? When will I be able to rest comfortably at night knowing that Sean lives?!?!!?

When, Ryan Murphy? When, when, when, when???

This Has It All

Did y'all watch the Project Runway reunion last night?!?! It was great!

I can't stand Carmen! She was sheddin' the tears of Satan.

But please watch this clip for the following reasons:

• The beauty of Chris March, aka Dom DeLuise, cacklin' to beat the band
• Michael Kors laughin' hysterically at those WWE Diva whores
• Ferocia Coutura, aka My Girlfriend! She's "fiersssssss"!
• Mr. Kors lookin' like the lost member of Wham!

It's sheer beauty! Enjoy!

And just because.......you must must must fast forward to 7:20 of *this* vid to see a tribute to Ricky's bawlin' ass. It's fabo! But homegirl did NOT look happy about it!

Wonder who's gonna win!???

I can't wait to see New York Fashion Week on the next epi -- I wanna see if Rami tries to push more draped jersey down the catwalk, if Chris tries show huge drag costumes, if Christian creates more drama, if oatmeal-ass Jillian can keep folks AWAKE! She's so zzzzzzzzzzz Ugh!

Anyhoobs, I'm excited for the next 2 weeks, bitches!

Ferocia Coutura!

I Miss Me Some Jackie & Kathy

If any of y'all have info on when Work Out and My Life On the D List are comin' back to Bravo, please email me & let me know. I need some Jackie Warner!



I've been Tivo'ing Kathy Griffin's comedy specials to satisfy my desire to see more of that crazy redhead. I LOVE that bitch!

I'm Kind Of A Big Deal

Here she is...my new obsession!! It's Christian Siriano from Bravo's Project Runway 4!

Here's Christian's submission video to get his fierssssss little ass on the show. How could they have possibly turned this hot piece o' man meat down? They couldn't fight the hotness!


(click here if you're having trouble viewing the vid with MSE)

"I'm kind of fierssss. And I'm kind of a celebrity...in my own head."

I love love love Christian!! I hope he wins. I just wanna see what fantabulous things he has to say about himself if he does. I mean, what else could he possibly come up with?!

He's gonna hurt himself from all the back-pattin' & ass-kissin' he does to himself every day. He's gonna get tennis elbow. And tennis lips.

So, I just watched PR4's episode from last night (DVR is fierssssss) and I almost forgot what I was watchin' until, oh yea, it's RICKY CRYING!!! Dayum! Homegirl's bawlin' his face off in every. single. show!

There's no crying in fashion!

But here he is in action: fittin' his model in that "fiersssss" denim dress that scored him a win for the week. After he won.....................................he cried. Ugh!

He's A Dick, But I Love Him

Project Runway 4's resident screamin' queen, Christian Siriano.

Asians are fierce. He's a hisser. Fierssssssss.

He's such an egomaniac, you can't help but love him. He almost got the bizoot this week, but was saved by Kevin's tragic Wal-Mart prom dress.

Oh, and he's also "ferosh".



Christian 4 Eva! Bitches!

HE'S 2007's Sexiest Man Alive?!?!

So, there I was, gettin' my beauty on at the hair salon today and I see People's Sexiest Man Alive issue layin' around. I couldn't get past the "winner" on the cover so I never even opened it up. Who the hell votes on this shit?

Matt Damon used to be sexy back in the day -- like back in the Bourne Identity days. But now he's just lookin' like a used up condom. I think his wifey's sucked the hot out of him.



Hell, Robin Roberts is a Sexier Man Alive than MD! I kid! I love Robin.

Anyhoo, a quick Google search revealed the long list of almost-winners and I coulda picked about 200 hotter men than Matt Damon!

For starters, Brad Pitt. That man tops *every* list as far as I'm concerned. I mean, just LOOK at him. I've never seen a man so lovely.



And there were a million people on that list that I'd never even heard of. I guess I'm too busy watchin' I Love New York and Little People Big World to know who the hell Seth Gabel and Penn Badgley are.

I don't know if any of these yayhoos are even on the People list, but I don't give a damn. This is my chance to post about hot boys.

My votes woulda been for Dave Annable (hell, that hot bitch in the pic with him is sexier than Matt Damon):



David Beckham:



Taye Diggs' Brown Sugar Ass:



Tim Daly (oh how I miss Wings!):



Shemar Moore:



Prince Harry and his Ginger locks:



Tim Gunn (Make it Work!):



Justin Chambers:



Ryan Reynolds (I'll even forget that he's Canadian for a minute). And I mean the HOT version of Ryan Reynolds, not the skinny Al Borland from Home Improvement version:



Adam Levine (I don't care if he *is* a tool):



Peter Krause (I miss Nate Fisher!):



Josh Duhamel (I'll even forgive him for pokin' Fuggy Fug all these years). I mean, look at that hot piece! DAYUM!:



Shit, I'd even take Joel McHale over Matt Damon:



And on a side note, why the hell is Justin Timberlake makin' any Sexiest lists? He aint' NO kind of sexy. He looks like a poor man's Robin Thicke in a bad holiday velvet ascot. TRUST!



C'MON People magazine! You better bring the *real* hotness next year!

Yea, in case you can't tell, I'm not too thrilled with People's winner this year, but in reality, I really don't give two shits.

Oh, and speakin' of Little People Big World, why the hell wasn't Jeremy Roloff on that list?! He's 19 now, he's legal!

2007 Emmy Awards

I don't really have a lot to say about the Emmys this year cuz I didn't watch the whole show. But I did see enough to know who was hot and who looked like shit. Let's discuss.....

Let me start with Helen Mirren -- this granny is H-O-T! Dayum, she looks good for 116! I kid. She's 62. She was a vision of loveliness in her amethyst gown and cute wispy 'do. Gorgeous!



I may be the only woman in America who didn't like Katherine Heigl's dress. It was too wedding gown - too tragically bridesmaid for me, sorry. She gave good face (LOVE the red lipstick!), but that was it...I honestly thought ho looked better at last year's Emmys with the sweaty boob cheese.



Heidi "Mrs. Seal" Klum worked. it. out. in that fabs merlot strapless with the slit up to there! On TV, her lipstick looked more burgundy, but in pics it's too red for that dress (and why do I notice shit like that?). Love the hair, love the jewels. She was quite the yummy mummy.



Eva looks the same everytime I see her ass. She can wear a multitude of different Kaufman Franco dresses, Christian Louboutin shoes, hairstyles, shitty spray-on tans...it just doesn't matter. Bitch still looks the same to me. She's cuter in the yoga outfits she wears on DH.


(here she at the 07 Emmys) (here she is at the 06 Emmys)
blech, same same same

Hayden...poor little Hayden...Good God, what happened here? Did you not recognize the orange tinge to your skin, or the fact that it blended almost flawlessly with the color of your frock? Were you feelin' fat? Cuz there's enough extra fabric there to fit about 3 more folks in that hideous dress. Shit, I just don't know what else to say about this mess.

And speakin' of messes, Miz Vanessa Williams was the biggest one of 'em all. Dayum, woman! It looks like Big Bird was attacked by a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream! Still, wearin' the Big Bird dress to the Emmys was a better decision than wearin' this piece o' crap to the Golden Globes.