MoonKween's Kastle: Hotness

Showing posts with label Hotness. Show all posts

Monday, July 14, 2008

Showin' Some Love

I'm watchin' the home run derby on ESPN right now and also browsin' one of my favorite blogs, BravesLove.

Lauren is currently doing a live derby commentary. Check out BravesLove sometime and tell her the Kween sent'cha!

Just givin' my homegirl a shout out!

Oh, and the Hammer's throwin' it DOWN!

Final round, lambs!

Hammer, don't hurt 'em!

Peas!

Update: Dang, Hammer didn't hurt 'em in the last round! :-(

10:52 p.m. EST and he didn't win! BOO!!!!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Braves Win Long One

1 hour 55 minute rain delay

5 hour 35 minute game

17 innings

Longest game in Turner Field history

Braves 7, Astros 6

Players of the game: Tex & Syndrome

Not much else to say. Have a great road trip, fellas!

(Brant Sanderlin/AJC)

I saw his interview with the TBS crew today and he really is an inspiration. Out of the game for over 3 years, druggie, shoulda been dead or in prison, etc., etc., etc. And here he is, makin' his first All-Star appearance. Two little girls and a third on the way...Beautiful.

Bittersweet stories like this one threaten to melt my cold, black heart. I'll be a Hammer fan for life.

And it's good to see Harold Reynolds on TV again, after this little mess a while back.

Mike Hampton Pitched And Didn't Injure Himself

Do my eyes deceive me?

The AJC reported that Mike "I'm Made of Paper" Hampton threw five scoreless innings in Myrtle Beach on Saturday night...and his body is still in tact! Woot!

Hampton's been workin' that pec muscle for, like, yeeeears now. Dayum, he coulda had every muscle in his body replaced and still been back in the rotation by now! I digress...

Hampton will also join Jeff Francoeur and Matt Diaz in Jacksonville to pitch for AA Mississippi on Thursday.

Family Bravos reunion!

I hope those Mississippi Braves fans are enjoyin' themselves down there. They get to see these hos play for, like, $8 or something. All those folks at Turner Field have had to pay out the nose to see Frenchy stink it up lately.

(Photo by Mississippi Braves. Dayum! Thank you, Mississippi Braves. Thank you.)

Oh, and in 8 ABs, Frenchy is hitting .375 with 3 H, 2 R, 1 RBI, 1BB & 1 SO.

Poor Matty's hittin' only .143 in 7 ABs with 1 H, 1 R, 1 BB, 1 SO & 1 SB. Yesssss! A stolen base! Me thinks that gimpy knee is feelin' better.

Let's remember Frenchy & Matty in happier times:

(Perhaps not such a happy time for Matty...)

Friday, July 4, 2008

See Ya In A Coupla Weeks

(photo: Brant Sanderlin/AJC)

Look, even Chino Cadahia's sickened in the photo above.

As I'm sure you've heard, my struggling Atlanta Braves sent struggling Jeff Francoeur down to the minors today and called up Jason Perry to replace the star in right field.

This is one of the best moves the Braves have made all year, in my opinion.

But opinions are like assholes...

I've read blogs where folks are saying they're "so sad" by the move; they really feel bad for Frenchy. Wah, wah, wah.

I read a story today where Jeff was quoted as saying "This has really put a damper on my relationship with the Atlanta Braves."

Umm, you can't tell me you were the ONLY person who didn't see this comin', Jeffrey! So how could this possibly hurt your relationship with the ballclub? We've been told time after time that "baseball is a business". As much as it sucks, it's the troof!

The story went on as such: 'I love playing for the city. I love playing for the fans and always have,' said Francoeur, who grew up in Gwinnett County. 'But I'm disappointed with the decision and how the whole process went down.'

He has lived a mostly charmed baseball life since he arrived from Mississippi three years ago — hitting a three-run home run in his major-league debut July 7, 2005, and making the cover of Sports Illustrated later that season, but his struggles this season led to his demotion.

However, Francoeur said he thought he might have been warned ahead of time what the team was considering. He said Thursday's conversation — which lasted maybe five minutes — came as a surprise to him after playing nearly every day for three seasons."

What kind of warning do you need?? Shouldn't your numbers speak loudly enough as a warning? It's not like a .234 BA sneaked up on yo' ass!

Pardon me, but if Cal "Iron Man" Ripken had a BA of .234 after 2,000 games, his ass wouldn't've started game #2,001, so don't gimme that crap, Jeffrey Brandon.

(Dave O'Brien of the AJC listed Jeff's 2008 season stats and it ain't pretty.)

And let's just set the record straight: the Braves let Frenchy make the choice of where he wanted to go. Richmond vs. Mississippi (AAA vs. AA). And he said he wanted to go to Mississippi, which is where his former hitting coach is located.

Not many teams would give a player an option -- they'd just *tell* you where you were goin'.

And that former hitting coach is none other than Phillip Wellman. You 'member him, right? If not, watch the clip below.

I'll close by saying that I wish Frenchy nothing but the best. He *is* an Atlanta Brave and I know his fans and teammates can't wait for him to return home...

...with a better knowledge of the strike zone.

..............................................................................................................

And btw, Perry was 1-4 with an RBI tonight. heehee

Monday, June 23, 2008

Somethin' In The Milk Ain't Clean

I don't mean to beat a dead horse. Or even this little horsey. But sum'in ain't right with Jeff Francoeur.

In his last 9 games, his average has dropped a good 10 points. He's hackin' at everything. Even more than usual. When was the last time you saw him take the first 2 pitches? Seriously.

Francoeur was only hitting .222 coming into tonight's game with the Milwaukee Brewers. He is also hitting .226 (19-for-84) with runners in scoring position this season, and has just two hits in 18 at-bats with the bases loaded.

He gets an opportunity to pinch hit (in the rare occasion that he doesn't start) and he finds a way to make an out....very quickly, I might add.

And we won't even TALK about the number of times he's GIDP this month. Sheesh!

You want the big bucks, Frenchy, you gotta prove you're worth it. I know everyone wants to be so soft on him 'cause he's the HomeGrown, but that shit don't cut it with me. It's time to get tough, Little Man.

Bein' the "hometown cutie pie" can only get ya so far...if you want the big contract, if you wanna hang with the big boys, you gotta prove you can (consistently) hit above .260. Or, hell, even .250!

That said, he *did* get fitted for a contact lens today, so hopefully that will help some.

Helen Keller would have a higher BA than he does this season.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Tex!!

Atlanta Braves slugger (term used loosely so far this season) Mark Teixeira broke out in a BIG way at The Ted on Sunday afternoon. Dude went yard 3 times and drove in 4. Woot!

The Braves pummeled the Seattle Mariners 8-3, with the help of Tim Hudson's 4-hit, 7-inning shutout performance. And Brian McCann added his 14th homer of the year in the 4th inning off Carlos Silva (3-8).

Tex came into Sunday's game batting .264 and left batting .271. Not too shabby.

Oh, and he alone banked me 19 fantasy points -- my whole damn *team* only had 45!

And here's cutie-pie congratulating BMc after he drove in the winning run on Saturday. He looks like such a little boy!

Homegirl Said What?

What the hell is newly-appointed New York Mets skipper Jerry Manuel talkin' about?! I don't even think *he* knows.

The New York Post reports: "Asked how the struggling (Aaron) Heilman was holding up under constant booing at Shea this year, Manuel said, 'It's very, very fertile ground for growth in Shea Stadium. It's fertile ground for a team's growth and development. Sometimes, fertile ground has fertilizer.' ...'Fertilizer is a good thing,' Manuel said before the Mets' afternoon contest against the (Colorado) Rockies. 'It's a good thing. You get the greatest results — get the most beautiful plants — when you put it in that type of fertile soil. That's what we have the opportunity to do.'

Manuel, who will make his first appearance at Shea Stadium as manager of the Mets Monday against (the) Seattle (Mariners), pleaded with reporters before and after the fertilizer reference not to blow it out of proportion or do 'something crazy with this'."

You are crazy, Jer-Bear! And it gets better, folks.

"Shortstop Jose Reyes was the target of Manuel's first colorful outburst this week. After Reyes threw a helmet-throwing tantrum last Tuesday night in Manuel's debut when Manuel pulled him in the first inning with a tight hamstring, Manuel jokingly threatened to knife Reyes if it happened again.

'I told him the next time he does that, I'm going to get my blade out and cut him right on the field,' Manuel said. 'I'm a gangster.' ... 'She acted up with me, and she had a day off,' Manuel said of Reyes."

(well, she *is* kinda pretty...m'just sayin')

Umm, sounds like pepaw needs some warm Ovaltine and a long nap.

He needs to keep his pie-hole shut and spend more energy tryin' to figure out what he's gonna do with this .500 ballclub. Incidentally, the wacky Manuel is 3-2 since taking over for the disgraced Willie Randolph on June 17.

IMO, it's the Mets front office that's the disgrace, but that's neither here nor there. They didn't consult me before they made the decision to give ol' Willie the heave-ho.

Larry Birkhead Is A Freak

Larry Birkhead, Anna Nicole Smith's baby-daddy, purchased lingerie items previously worn by crackie in Playboy spreads.

The pink bustier and white negligee went for a total of $2,800 at a celebrity auction held at Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip yesterday.

According to the AP: "Birkhead said he is trying to make sure his 1-year-old daughter, Dannielynn, has something to remember her mother by.

"I have a lot of history I have to put together that she doesn't really know about," Birkhead told The Associated Press. "Playboy was such a big part of Anna's career."

By history he means lies & fabrications about most aspects of big momma's life.

Um, OK. So if he's lookin' to dig up 'memories' of crackie, why not just show Dannielynn the Playboy pics?? Explain to baby girl that mommy used to take her clothes off and woller around in front of the camera for money.

See, he coulda saved himself almost $3,000 if he'd just done what I suggested...

Weirdo!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Cougars 4 Cook

Ok, so I didn't vote for David "Hot Lips" Cook 473 times after last Tuesday's American Idol finale -- in fact, I never voted once this year...for anybody -- and I'm not a 40-something suburban soccer-mom, but it's obvious now that Fly Honey's fan base wasn't of the 15-year-old female persuasion.

"Cougars 4 Cook" had my future ex-husband's voting line on speed-dial, propelling him to victory by 12+ million votes over David "Zygote" Archuleta.

The AP writes: "Maybe it's his edgy-yet-mainstream appeal, sly grin, sparkling hazel eyes, facial scruff, love for crossword puzzles, love for his mom and brothers. Or perhaps it's the way he broke down in tears after his final performance..."

See, I'm not the only wrinkled old bag who's hot for his jock and his crossword puzzles.

He's just got that...thang about him. Ya know, that thang!

But it kinda makes me wonder, where were all the Cougars when Chris Daughtry got the boot a few years ago? Wasn't he supposed to be, like, *the* hottest? Don't get me wrong, Daughtry's done pretty damn well for himself since Idol, but I was kinda surprised that he didn't go further in the competition.

Oh well. I guess the Cougars just know what they like. And they luuurve Hot Lips.

Sigh.......Idol's over. Survivor's over. Grey's Anatomy's over. Brothers & Sisters is over.

If it weren't for baseball season to get me through the next four months, I would need therapy. Television therapy.

Side note: As of Memorial Day 2008, the Atlanta Braves are 27-23 & 2.5 games out of 1st.

Friday, May 23, 2008

David Cook Is Sensitive

Ya Just Can't Make This Up

Some crazy 15-year-old boy in Georgia was charged with four counts of sexual battery for biting or grabbing the buttocks of at least 10 women at the Lovejoy Wal-Mart, and more charges are expected.

"(Police Capt. Greg) Dickens said complaints of rear-end assaults at the store began in August and continued throughout May."

He was recognized & confronted by an ass-bitin' victim who saw him walkin' with relatives.

Could you *imagine*?!?!?!

"Uh, yea, I was tryin' me on some White Stag slacks o'vr'der in the big girl's section and yo' nephew her' jumped out 'da rack & bit my ass! Dayum!"

I'm pretty sure it was one'a these twats below. They look like the ample-butt-bitin' types. Shit, they'll give *anybody* a camera phone these days.

Although these pre-pubescent tools are questionable...I'm thinkin' they shoulda been in the men's Wrangler department. Pre-Brett Favre Wranglers, that is.

His ass is MINE!

I am offended! I have a big, juicy ass AND I was born in a Wal-Mart. I think somebody needs to change The Constitution or somethin'! My Rights have been violated in some way, shape or form....I'm just sure of it!

I'm gonna sue some teenage douche! SUE! SUE! I'M SUIN'!!!!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

C'Mon Hot Lips!

I feel like dog barf. Probably look like it, too. Seriously.

You know it's bad when I don't feel like bloggin'...I always got shit to say.

I don't even feel like talkin' about my future-ex-husband, David "Hot Lips" Cook, possibly losing on the American Idol finale tonight.

You know David "Zygote" Archuleta's gonna take the crown. But that's fine with me...it's almost better if you *don't* win that shit. The runners-up seem to have more success than the winners.

And like I've said, I'll be the warm vagina, I mean, um, *shoulder*, that Hot Lips can cry on when the ballons & confetti come rainin' down on Zygote's head instead of his own.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Just An Observation

I told y'all bitches that attendance would climb with "David Cook Day" in Kansas City.

Attendance for the Royals' game on May 8 = 11,000
Attendance for David Cook Day on May 9th = 22,000

See, them MLB marketing hos know what they're doin'. When you book my future ex-husband, he makes magic happen.

Too bad he can't hit the road with my Braves to help with their many, many away-from-home woes. Sigh.

Ok, so the hot piece ain't a miracle worker.....the Royals lost 7-4 to the Baltimore Orioles on David Cook Day. :-(

That's alright. He's still got a warm bed waitin' for him in Michigan.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Thanks For The Memories, Jules

Julio Franco announced his retirement from baseball Wednesday at the ripe ol' age of 112. No! He's really 49.

Yes, as in *almost* AARP age!

Here's what his career numbers look like. That list just goes on and on and on and on and...well, you get the idea:

He was an awesome clutch hitter, he'd do anything Bobby Cox asked him to do when he was with the Atlanta Braves and the players in the clubhouse really looked up to him.

A major league career batting average of .298 and 2,586 hits -- that ain't too shabby.

Julio César Robles Franco will be missed in the big leagues...

Even at the age of ~~111~~ 48, when he last played for the Braves, homegirl was still built like a brick shithouse.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Putting Butts In Seats

The Kansas City Royals organization knows how to milk the hell out of a cash cow, and I love it.

Future American Idol 7 winner, and my future 2nd husband (yea, I said it), David Cook, will be the "guest of honor" at the May 9 Baltimore Orioles/Royals game at Kauffman Stadium.

But here's the catch: He has to live through the next round of voting and land in the top 3 for his Big Day to become reality. Umm, I don't think that'll be a problem, do you?

The Blue Springs, MO, native will get to throw out the first pitch, sing "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" during the stretch, and take part in play-by-play in the broadcast booth for a hot minute.

I guess when your stadium capacity is 40,785 but you only averaged 19,961 last season, you gotta do somethin' to get the American public to show up for your games. Me thinks havin' the hottest contestant on the biggest TV show makin' an appearance will put the asses in the seats.

And for shits & giggles, let's take a look at my man Elliott Yamin when he had his moment of glory at a gutter-butt Richmond Braves game a coupla years ago. Love him!!

Monday, April 28, 2008

What Else Can I Say About Dude?

Y'all know I have this unhealthy obsession with my boy Lil' Wayne, and this video ain't doin' me no favors:

What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?!?!

I can't help it!

I Still. Love. Weezy!

I'd lick the wrapper...And I can't apologize for that.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Fellas, Start Your Engines

This is your lucky day, boys!

Australian researchers have found that men who masturbated more than 5 times a week were 1/3 less likely to develop prostate cancer.

So don't think of it as chokin' the chicken, think of it as...."cancer prevention"! Break out the K-Y and GO. TO. TOWN.

Do it for your health! Viva la Prostate!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Congrats, Smoltzie!

This man is a machine!!!!!!

It's not like the DL is a total stranger to John Smoltz, so when you look at his career stats...crazy! To say the least, he's a first-ballot Hall-of-Famer, fo sho!

210 wins (15 in the postseason, the most in history)
154 saves
3.25 ERA

And last but not least: 3,006 strikeouts!

Congratulations to you, Mr. Smoltz. Welcome to the 3,000 SO club!

I was listenin' to the game on XM tonight when I was comin' home from a PTO meeting (yes, you're lookin' at the newly-inducted Secretary of the PTO, thank you very much). Anyhoobs, Skip Caray & Pete Van Wieren threw out a stat that shocked me: Smoltz is only 1 of 4 pitchers to reach 3,000 strikeouts while wearin' only 1 uniform.

Walter Johnson (Washington Senators), Bob Gibson (St. Louis Cardinals) and Steve Carlton (Philadelphia Phillies) each struck out 3,000+ hitters while with only 1 team.

That stat amazed me! I can see how Johnson was with the same club way, waaaay back in the day (1907-1927), because then it wasn't all about money-grubbin' hos, and teams didn't trade folks around like crazy. And even in the Gibson/Carlton days, players stayed put most of the time.

But NOWADAYS, dayum! Errbody's movin' all over the place -- team to team, league to league.

That is quite an accomplishment, and I commend you, Atlanta Braves. I commend you for not bein' complete f*ck ups and tradin' this gem that is known as John Smoltz. Ever. Thank you.

I just wanted to share this little tidbit that I found on wikipedia. If Ty Cobb really did, in fact, speak these words about Johnson, then bitch shoulda been a Harlequin romance novelist after he retired. Such attention to detail! Hot, hot, H-O-T!!!

Ty Cobb recalled his first encounter with the rookie fastballer:

"On August 2, 1907, I encountered the most threatening sight I ever saw in the ball field. He was a rookie, and we licked our lips as we warmed up for the first game of a doubleheader in Washington.

Evidently, manager Pongo Joe Cantillon of the Nats had picked a rube out of the cornfields of the deepest bushes to pitch against us...

He was a tall, shambling galoot of about twenty, with arms so long they hung far out of his sleeves, and with a sidearm delivery that looked unimpressive at first glance...

One of the Tigers imitated a cow mooing, and we hollered at Cantillon: 'Get the pitchfork ready, Joe-- your hayseed's on his way back to the barn.'...

The first time I faced him, I watched him take that easy windup. And then something went past me that made me flinch. The thing just hissed with danger. We couldn't touch him...every one of us knew we'd met the most powerful arm ever turned loose in a ball park."

Awesome! Tall, shambling GALOOT! I fuckin' lovez it!

Again, congrats, John Smoltz.

You. Are. A. Gawd!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

WTG, Chuck James

In his first start after being recalled from the minors, Atlanta Braves pitcher Chuck James allowed only 4 hits by the Los Angeles Dodgers today. One of those hits was a homerun by Andruw Jones* (his first of the season). *More on Druw below.

James actually dropped his ERA from 18.00 to 7.87, and evened his record at 1-1. The Braves won 4-1 and will be pullin' out the brooms tomorrow afternoon.

Woo hoo!

I am in no way hoppin' on the "Chuck"-(band)wagon (haha, funny) but I just wanted to acknowledge that I was wrong about him possibly pitching like shit today.

Since the Braves have actually put together a string of good games, winning 5 of our last 8 and 3 in a row, I was expecting the other shoe to drop this afternoon. That's typically what happens with my team -- kick ass for a few games, get my hopes up, then they lose 3 or 4 in a row.

I know they "can't win 'em all", but when these dudes get ugly, THEY. GET. UGLY.

Oh, Yunel Escobar is ridin' a 12-game hiting streak into tomorrow, the Braves've only allowed 2 runs in the last 3 games, and Chipper Jones is hittin' .6-0-9 in his last 7 games. Niiiiice!

*Druw has been shown nothin' but love since he's been back in ATL this weekend. Not only did he park is car in the Braves lot today (without gettin' the boot by security), but his parents got to enjoy the game from John Smoltz's luxury box. And after his homer today, the classy ATL fans gave him a standing ovation.

We all still love you, Druuuuuuw! It just ain't right seein' you in Dodger blue....