I Can't Believe What I Just Heard

I think my ears are still bleedin' & screamin' for mercy.



I just wasted 3.5 hours of my life -- 3.5 hours that I'll never get back -- listening to the Braves lose to the Phillies in the most heinous fashion: by blowing a 6-run lead and ultimately leaving 8 runners on base.

What I can't figure out is this: Why the F*CK is Blaine Boyer on this team?!?! Why is he & his shiteous 2-6 record wasting space in the majors? Pitiful excuse for a major league pitcher.

The Braves scored 9 runs in the 4th inning and went up 9-3...what happens the following inning? What else -- their pitchers implode and give up 7 runs. Phils win 10-9.

Un.Fucking.Believable.

Sickening. Vomitous. Abominable. Horrid. Repulsive. Dreadful. Loathsome.

I could go on, but you get my point.

Mike Hampton made is first start in 3 years and he took his lumps, sure. But the Braves could've pulled out the win if it weren't for the Braves embarrassing bullpen.

Bobby Cox shoulda just stayed with Hampton and let him work his way out of the bases-loaded-no-out situation in the 5th. I'm sure he coulda done a better job than Royce Ring & Boyer.

By the way, Royce Ring & Blaine Boyer -- get new names! The alliteration ain't cute, it's annoying! Ugh! I digress....

Aside from blowin' that honkin' lead, the Braves had innings 5-9 in which they couldn't push across one runner on base!

I've said several times this season that I don't think the Braves are worth my time. Why do I continue to punish myself by following these losers? They reinvent ways to hand over victories. Seriously. I'm startin' to think they're gettin' paid to *not* win.

If the Braves haven't had a closed door meeting recently, they need one, STAT! I'm pretty sure some asses need to be kicked after today's game...and some asses need to be kicked off this team! Fer realz.

Are The Atlanta Braves Worthy Of My Affection?

I've asked myself this question numerous times over the past 20 or so years. Even at the pinnacle of the Braves' success in the 90s, at some point in every season, this team pisses me off.

Yes, we've endured heartbreak as fans of this team, but I get the feelin' this 2008 season will do us all in. This team will be the death of me.

I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I don't really even want to watch them anymore this season. I'm sick of all the bullshit:

• Will Mark Teixeira stay or go at the end of the season?
  
• Should Jeff Francoeur be benched for a while?
  
• Is Kelly Johnson a true lead-off hitter?
  
• Is Yunel Escobar a true lead-off hitter?
  
• Will we get a slugging outfielder to help with our hitting woes?
  
• Do we need a couple more (reliable) arms in the bullpen?
  
• Will we acquire another (reliable, established) starter for our rotation?
  
• Why is it that this team can't play good, sound, fundamental baseball?
  
• How many more years will pass before Mike Hampton pitches again?
  
• Was Mark Kotsay a mistake? (Although, Joey Devine - the player we traded to Oakland for Kotsay - has been on the DL since the end of May so he ain't exactly helpin' his team either.)
  
• Does Bobby Cox need to hang it up? Is he senile? Why oh why does he make the decisions that he makes?
  
• Why the hell is Blaine Boyer in the majors? Moreso, why the hell is he on my team?
  
• How many games out of first place will we be come September 1?
  
• How many games under .500 will we be come September 1?

I think I summed up my love for the Braves in my first blog post ever. But now I'm not really feelin' 'em. I'm tired of gettin' beat down night after night.

They need to light a fire under their asses. All of 'em! The one time (all season) that I've seen life on the field was on June 18 when the gorgeous & talented Mike Gonzalez came out with guns a'blazin' and got his first save in over a year. He was on FIRE! He was pumped! It was great...



But the rest of this team plays like shit. It's like they're all in a coma.

Oh, and I'm pretty convinced that June 18 was the last time the Braves won a game. (sarcasm)

So I think I'd have more fun gettin' my choch Brazilian waxed than watchin' these hos get swept by the Phillies. Sigh.

Shit, who'm'I kiddin'? I'll be watchin' tonight. It's that whole abusive boyfriend thing...I love him as much as I hate him.

Thanks For The Memories, Jules

Julio Franco announced his retirement from baseball Wednesday at the ripe ol' age of 112. No! He's really 49.

Yes, as in *almost* AARP age!

Here's what his career numbers look like. That list just goes on and on and on and on and...well, you get the idea:

He was an awesome clutch hitter, he'd do anything Bobby Cox asked him to do when he was with the Atlanta Braves and the players in the clubhouse really looked up to him.

A major league career batting average of .298 and 2,586 hits -- that ain't too shabby.

Julio César Robles Franco will be missed in the big leagues...

Even at the age of 111 48, when he last played for the Braves, homegirl was still built like a brick shithouse.

Raise Your Hand If You're Surprised

Mike Hampton exited from his second start of the spring with an injury today. Just a sign of the "nagging crap" yet to come this year, I'm sure.

The strained groin isn't supposed to be serious and he's not expected to miss much mound time, but for the love of God! Is this man made of paper?

"Hopefully he can make his next start," manager Bobby Cox said. "We're keeping our fingers crossed. ... He had great stuff again. If we can stay away from the nagging crap."



Sounds familiar....Hampton's not the only fragile geriatric on the team.


Chipper Jones tweaked a hammy earlier in the week -- I'm really hopin' these pepaws get their aches & pains out in spring training (although all those bitches *best* be on the field on March 20 when I'm attendance at the Braves/Tigers game in Lake Buena Vista!)