I Can't Believe What I Just Heard

I think my ears are still bleedin' & screamin' for mercy.



I just wasted 3.5 hours of my life -- 3.5 hours that I'll never get back -- listening to the Braves lose to the Phillies in the most heinous fashion: by blowing a 6-run lead and ultimately leaving 8 runners on base.

What I can't figure out is this: Why the F*CK is Blaine Boyer on this team?!?! Why is he & his shiteous 2-6 record wasting space in the majors? Pitiful excuse for a major league pitcher.

The Braves scored 9 runs in the 4th inning and went up 9-3...what happens the following inning? What else -- their pitchers implode and give up 7 runs. Phils win 10-9.

Un.Fucking.Believable.

Sickening. Vomitous. Abominable. Horrid. Repulsive. Dreadful. Loathsome.

I could go on, but you get my point.

Mike Hampton made is first start in 3 years and he took his lumps, sure. But the Braves could've pulled out the win if it weren't for the Braves embarrassing bullpen.

Bobby Cox shoulda just stayed with Hampton and let him work his way out of the bases-loaded-no-out situation in the 5th. I'm sure he coulda done a better job than Royce Ring & Boyer.

By the way, Royce Ring & Blaine Boyer -- get new names! The alliteration ain't cute, it's annoying! Ugh! I digress....

Aside from blowin' that honkin' lead, the Braves had innings 5-9 in which they couldn't push across one runner on base!

I've said several times this season that I don't think the Braves are worth my time. Why do I continue to punish myself by following these losers? They reinvent ways to hand over victories. Seriously. I'm startin' to think they're gettin' paid to *not* win.

If the Braves haven't had a closed door meeting recently, they need one, STAT! I'm pretty sure some asses need to be kicked after today's game...and some asses need to be kicked off this team! Fer realz.

Are The Atlanta Braves Worthy Of My Affection?

I've asked myself this question numerous times over the past 20 or so years. Even at the pinnacle of the Braves' success in the 90s, at some point in every season, this team pisses me off.

Yes, we've endured heartbreak as fans of this team, but I get the feelin' this 2008 season will do us all in. This team will be the death of me.

I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I don't really even want to watch them anymore this season. I'm sick of all the bullshit:

• Will Mark Teixeira stay or go at the end of the season?
  
• Should Jeff Francoeur be benched for a while?
  
• Is Kelly Johnson a true lead-off hitter?
  
• Is Yunel Escobar a true lead-off hitter?
  
• Will we get a slugging outfielder to help with our hitting woes?
  
• Do we need a couple more (reliable) arms in the bullpen?
  
• Will we acquire another (reliable, established) starter for our rotation?
  
• Why is it that this team can't play good, sound, fundamental baseball?
  
• How many more years will pass before Mike Hampton pitches again?
  
• Was Mark Kotsay a mistake? (Although, Joey Devine - the player we traded to Oakland for Kotsay - has been on the DL since the end of May so he ain't exactly helpin' his team either.)
  
• Does Bobby Cox need to hang it up? Is he senile? Why oh why does he make the decisions that he makes?
  
• Why the hell is Blaine Boyer in the majors? Moreso, why the hell is he on my team?
  
• How many games out of first place will we be come September 1?
  
• How many games under .500 will we be come September 1?

I think I summed up my love for the Braves in my first blog post ever. But now I'm not really feelin' 'em. I'm tired of gettin' beat down night after night.

They need to light a fire under their asses. All of 'em! The one time (all season) that I've seen life on the field was on June 18 when the gorgeous & talented Mike Gonzalez came out with guns a'blazin' and got his first save in over a year. He was on FIRE! He was pumped! It was great...



But the rest of this team plays like shit. It's like they're all in a coma.

Oh, and I'm pretty convinced that June 18 was the last time the Braves won a game. (sarcasm)

So I think I'd have more fun gettin' my choch Brazilian waxed than watchin' these hos get swept by the Phillies. Sigh.

Shit, who'm'I kiddin'? I'll be watchin' tonight. It's that whole abusive boyfriend thing...I love him as much as I hate him.

Somethin' In The Milk Ain't Clean

I don't mean to beat a dead horse. Or even this little horsey. But sum'in ain't right with Jeff Francoeur.

In his last 9 games, his average has dropped a good 10 points. He's hackin' at everything. Even more than usual. When was the last time you saw him take the first 2 pitches? Seriously.

Francoeur was only hitting .222 coming into tonight's game with the Milwaukee Brewers. He is also hitting .226 (19-for-84) with runners in scoring position this season, and has just two hits in 18 at-bats with the bases loaded.

He gets an opportunity to pinch hit (in the rare occasion that he doesn't start) and he finds a way to make an out....very quickly, I might add.

And we won't even TALK about the number of times he's GIDP this month. Sheesh!

You want the big bucks, Frenchy, you gotta prove you're worth it. I know everyone wants to be so soft on him 'cause he's the HomeGrown, but that shit don't cut it with me. It's time to get tough, Little Man.



Bein' the "hometown cutie pie" can only get ya so far...if you want the big contract, if you wanna hang with the big boys, you gotta prove you can (consistently) hit above .260. Or, hell, even .250!

That said, he *did* get fitted for a contact lens today, so hopefully that will help some.

Helen Keller would have a higher BA than he does this season.

Braves Win 2 In A Row

Against the New York Mets no less...

My Braves won 3-1.



I was totally geeked about the John Smoltz/Johan Santana match-up, this being the first start for John since coming off the DL. I couldn't have asked for more from the almost-41-year-old veteran!

He only pitched 5 innings, but struck out 6 and allowed only 2 hits. He also walked 2.

Johan threw 7 innings, gave up 7 hits and 1 earned run.

Since JS only pitched 5 innings, it left the onus on the bullpen to hold the lead. As in seasons past, I've done my fair share of cursing the Braves relief pitching, but today I shall rejoice.

I'm sure tomorrow I'll return to my potty-mouth ways when the bullpen is unleashed, but for now, I'll enjoy the love I feel for Blaine Boyer, Will Ohman, Pete Moylan & Rafael Soriano.

Although, I must say this: GET YER HEAD OUTTA YER ASS, SORIANO! YER MAKIN' ME NERVOUS!!!!

Ok, I feel better.

Now, it's off to Colorado for a 4-game set against the Rockies. Scheduled starters for those 4 games will be Tom Glavine, Jair Jurrjens, Chuck James & Tim Hudson, respectively.

Go Braves!!!!!