Showin' Some Love

I'm watchin' the home run derby on ESPN right now and also browsin' one of my favorite blogs, BravesLove.

Lauren is currently doing a live derby commentary. Check out BravesLove sometime and tell her the Kween sent'cha!

Just givin' my homegirl a shout out!

Oh, and the Hammer's throwin' it DOWN!

Final round, lambs!

Hammer, don't hurt 'em!

Peas!

Update: Dang, Hammer didn't hurt 'em in the last round! :-(

10:52 p.m. EST and he didn't win! BOO!!!!

Somebody Tell Me Why This Is News?

Apparently, when Miguel Tejada was signed by the Oakland A's back in 1993 out of the Dominican Republic, he told folks he was only 17 years old.

But due to the stellar "journalism" of ESPN's E:60, it's been uncovered that Tejada LIED about his age and took off a coupla years when he was first comin' up! Gasp!

Why is this even an issue?

Below is a clip of Tejada's reaction when the "journalist" known as Tom Farrey ambushed him in an interview and threw the real birth certificate in his face.

This bitch came at him like Chris Hansen from "To Catch a Predator". Gimme a break! He's a shortstop, not a child toucher! And it's Miguel Tejada, not Ted Williams.

MT wasn't havin' none of it. Ho took off his mic and walked off the set.



MT (now with the Houston Astros) was allegedly born on the 25th of May in 1974, not 1976 as he had first claimed, which would make him 34, not 32.

I call "who gives a fuck?!" on this one. Who cares?!?!?! If he's 34 or 32, his prime career days are behind him. And if they're not, I can hear 'em fast approachin'. TRUST!

And just for shits & giggles, let's all enjoy this jewel from Mr. Hot Piece himself, Chris Hansen:



Cigarettes, gas & sex...I can tell ya, 2 of those things are hella expensive and detrimental to my survival. I'll let you decide which 2. Prolly ain't what ya think........

And Mr. Beautiful on Jimmy Kimmel Live last year:

(part 1)


(part 2)


For the love of everything Holy, don't ask me how we got from Miguel Tejada's faux age to wannabe child molesters -- the two are not connected in any way. But I guess that's just how my brain works.

Time Lapse Video

Click the photo above to see a really cool time lapse video of a double-header between the Braves & Marlins last season. Big ups to those photogs.

Ok, so I'm easily entertained. Don't judge!

Update: If you can't view the vid above, click here to go to the ajc media player. It may take a couple of minutes to start up.....

Turbo Tax & Ping Pong Balls

Holy crap! This is awesome!

Pro skateboarder Billy Marks appears in this youtube video tossin', bouncin' & ricochetin' ping pong balls into red beer cups (c'mon, you know that's what those cups are for!) and it ROX!



Who gives 2 shits about Turbo Tax?! I wasn't even listening to that part -- it's all about the ballz, baby!

He's Overjoyed...You Can Tell, Right??

AWK-WARD!

In the finale of Bravo's Make Me a Supermodel last night, the models received visits from loved-ones after 3 months of being apart.

Ben's wifey, April, was the first to show up at the apartment and Ben looked (and acted) like he'd rather be takin' a dump than sittin' around with her!

WTF?! You haven't seen this woman in 12 (TWELVE!) weeks, dude!!



Maybe he really is secretly in love with Ronnie. Maybe hangin' out with his sobby, weepy spouse made him realize that he has no interest in dealin' with the complexities of the fairer sex.

At least BRONNIE would never have to overcome PMS or pregnancy hormones in their romanticalness.

Amanda, Perry's ex?-girlfriend, showed up, much to his surprise. He wanted to talk thru some thangs but homegirl wasn't havin' it. She bawled & hugged & "I love you"d & kissed & tap-danced around his questions like she was afraid of divulgin' too much info in front of the cameras. Didn't wanna come off lookin' like a skank.

Girlfriend, PLEEZ!

You know you love the spotlight! If you didn't, you wouldn't've been photographed with Adnoid Ghaleeeeeeeeeeb!

Btw, cute little Holly won:

Spring Training, Here I Come!

I want to apologize for being so lax with the postin' this week. A million & one things to do.

I'm tryin' to wrap shit up at work, make my packin' list for the trip, stay on top of the Spawn to get his homework finished/turned in (his little mind is also startin' to drift towards warm, sunny Florida so I can't blame him...), get my Wally World shoppin' list straight, hit the tanning salon regularly (which I absolutely abhor), blah blah blah.

Oh, and while I'm keepin' all those balls in the air (teehee), I'm also tryin' to avoid gettin' the fuckin' Black Plague that seems to have the entire country in its gnarled death grip!

These bitches up in here BET NOT give me their SARS right before I leave for a 2-week trip! I've been sick while on vacay before and shit ain't cute. Trust!

I'm really hopin' I'll get to post while I'm down there, but it's lookin' pretty slim. Get this shit: our resort doesn't have wireless in the buildings! They say we can spend $25/week ($50 total!)to use the WiFi in the main lobby (like, out in the open, in front of Jesus & er'body!), or we have to use the dial up.

Dial up?! What the hell is that?! That's like, soooo 1990s! Sheesh! And besides, Momma needs her privacy!

Anyhoo, here are a few random tidbits from the mind of the Kween:

• Mike Hampton's back on the mound (simulation only)
• I'll be the crazy bitch at the Braves game on March 20. I apologize for anything that may or may not happen while I'm in attendance
• I've upped my usual fantasy baseball leagues from 1 to 3 (I'm sure I'll suck in all 3 and embarrass myself, as per usual)
• Christian "Ferocia Coutura" Siriano is our new Project Runway winner
• American Idol is pretty spiffy this season (although David "Gay Stripper Hotness" Hernandez just got the boot! What the...?! Who the fuck is votin' for Kristy Lee Cook? Go play with your PS2s (or *yourselves*) you horny 15-year-old boys! My new obsession is Jason Castro anyway....)
• Brit Brit's all "normal" & shit now -- bah, BORING!
• Jennifer Aniston & Owen Wilson are "canoodling" onset. zzzzzzzzz
• The Yankees & Devil Rays are already kickin' the shit out of each other (literally) and throwin' 'bows. Love the dramz! Oh, and how *key-yute* is Jonny Gomes!?!?!
• Fuggie Fug & Josh Duhamel are still engaged, I guess. Crap.
• And for all you pervy people all over the world who find your way to the Kastle by way of a "Jeremy Roloff hot" Google search, here he is. And, I'm not certain, but there may be a coupla Jonas Brothers in that photo, too:
  
  
  

P.S. -- Stay strong, Papa! Love you!

Bust Out The Pepaw Sweaters, Y'All

In honor of the late Mr. Rogers' birthday, March 20 has been heralded "Sweater Day".



The AP reports that "Sweater Day" is the capstone to a six-day celebration planned by Family Communications Inc. of Pittsburgh. Rogers created the company to produce his show.

6 days?!?! Dayum! That's like Mardi Gras or somethin'!

Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was the shit back in the day! I loved the Land of Make Believe and those crazy-ass handpuppets of royalty.

For the love of everything Holy, people, Mr. McFeely has asked you to wear a sweater! Do it, dammit!

Vive la Mr. Rogers sweater!

That Don't Look Natural

The other day, I posted about how the world can't seem to get enough of Christina Aguilera's post-pregger boobies. My point was, "What's the big damn deal?"

Here she is takin' her puppies out for a walk, and in lookin' at her assets in the photo below, you'll notice two things:

1) Her shits are wonky
2) She got more blue veins than Estelle Getty



Now, as I've stated before, I've given birth (through the hoo-ha, thank you very much -- no C-Section cheatin' goin' on down there), and I've breastfed, so I can say this to you, Christina, mother to mother: Honey, please put 'em away 'til they're ready to be seen in public. When your chesticles look like a road map, they just ain't ready.

Those milk ducts are pushin' the implants hither & yon. Or vice versa.

That is not a breast shape found in nature. That shit looks painful!

Stop The Presses! Christina Aguilera Has Big Boobs!

What is the big freakin' deal about Xtina's boobage? She just had a baby for cryin' outloud!



Post after post after post after post after post of folks talkin' 'bout her cleavage. Yes, we know. Get over it already.

She had big fakes ones *before* she got preggers, so what do you expect now?

I've got big hoots, too, and you don't see me talkin' about 'em all the time. They were nice to have back in the day, but once those suckers became a food source, not so much.

So can we now all move on from her lactation stations and discuss somethin' else?

This Has It All

Did y'all watch the Project Runway reunion last night?!?! It was great!

I can't stand Carmen! She was sheddin' the tears of Satan.

But please watch this clip for the following reasons:

• The beauty of Chris March, aka Dom DeLuise, cacklin' to beat the band
• Michael Kors laughin' hysterically at those WWE Diva whores
• Ferocia Coutura, aka My Girlfriend! She's "fiersssssss"!
• Mr. Kors lookin' like the lost member of Wham!

It's sheer beauty! Enjoy!

And just because.......you must must must fast forward to 7:20 of *this* vid to see a tribute to Ricky's bawlin' ass. It's fabo! But homegirl did NOT look happy about it!

Wonder who's gonna win!???

I can't wait to see New York Fashion Week on the next epi -- I wanna see if Rami tries to push more draped jersey down the catwalk, if Chris tries show huge drag costumes, if Christian creates more drama, if oatmeal-ass Jillian can keep folks AWAKE! She's so zzzzzzzzzzz Ugh!

Anyhoobs, I'm excited for the next 2 weeks, bitches!

Ferocia Coutura!

Happy Birthday, Blanche Devereaux!

That sexy woman, Rue McClanahan, turns 74 today.

Happy birthday, slut!



"I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo." -- Miz Blanche Devereaux

Brett Myers Would So Be On My List

And the Oscar goes to......

I never cared for Brett Myers, but after this, I'd kick his ass when no one was lookin'. Bitch better sleep with one eye open.

Myers was the "mastermind" behind a prank played on poor Kyle Kendrick of the Philadelphia Phillies. They broke the news to Kendrick that he'd been traded to a Japanese team for a player named Kobayashi Iwamura.

There *is* no player named Kobayashi Iwamura and MLB players can't be traded to Japan. Dayum!



The whole effin' world was in on this "joke" -- Phillies assistant GM Ruben Amaro Jr., manager Charlie Manuel, Kendrick's agent, the media.

Shit, even the traveling secretary was an accomplice! You know you're fucked when the traveling secretary is blazin' your ass! The dupe was complete with a fake "press conference" in the locker room.

Needless to say, the whole thing was caught on video and posted on youtube for the entire online world to see. In the video, Kendrick looks like he wants to fly across the table and choke Manuel to death.

Poor dude. I just wanna give him a hug.

Well, on the bright side, it looks like Myers has gotten past the whole "beatin' his wife's ass in public" incident. Way to go, Brett!

Oh, and great actin' jobs by everyone involved. I guess if Myers blows out his arm, he can always fall back on his thespian endeavors.

Sacramento Queens

Haha! Looks like a few Sacramento Kings dancers are in hot water after sexy pics of 'em boozin' it up & actin' like whores leaked onto the internet last week.

Photos of the Kings' Royal Court dance team feature them in g-strings & fug socks (thankfully not worn at the same time, that would be *totally* unacceptable!), drinkin' cheap ass wine of some sort and standin' in a bathroom. I don't get it.







I'm disappointed. This shit is WEAK! Zero creativity!

They shoulda called up former beauty queen Katie Rees for some photographical advice. That bitch knows how to throw down in front of a camera!

I'm ready for my close-up, y'all!

I Don't Hate Jayson Stark...Today

I used to be a huge fan of ESPN's Jayson Stark, but a couple of years ago, I fell out of love with him. I don't know why. Maybe it was a single column he wrote that really pissed me off. I don't know, I just wasn't feelin' him anymore. Hey, it happens in a lot of relationships, what can I say?

I just read this piece about the return of Tom Glavine to the Atlanta Braves and I actually *enjoyed* it!

I don't hate Jayson Stark!

Well, today anyway.


(Glavine - spring training 2008)

I was shocked -- I thought Stark would rip the Braves for bringin' back the pepaw that is Glavine; I thought he might even go so far as to predict that the Braves would finish 4th in the NL East because the team still hadn't found the fire-power it needed to solidify the rotation's Big 3.

It appears to me that Stark is actually EXCITED about the return of Glavine. And his excitement kinda fired me up, too!

Reminiscing of the fabulosity that was once the Braves starting rotation that included Glavin, John Smoltz & Greg Maddux, this was the best part:

"So take a moment, when Glavine and Smoltz come to town this summer, to ponder what they represent. They were part of something that probably isn't coming along again for the next thousand years or so."

I was already happy to see pepaw return to the rotation that features Smoltz & Tim Hudson, but had I read a shitty story from Stark on the subject, I don't think I could've taken it. It woulda been the straw that broke the spring training camel's back. I most definitely would've had to write Mr. Stark a nasty-gram telling him what an asshole he is for tryin' to bring us fans down.

But not today...

Today I say, "Thank you, Jayson Stark. Thank you for makin' me not hate you."

Tomorrow could be a different story. So right now I'm gonna ride my feelings of joy & contentment all the way to Pizza Hut. Seriously, I'm goin' to Pizza Hut.

I'm out...

Pedro Martinez's Cock Ring Experience

Rooster, that is. Chicken. Fighting. Killing. Gross!

TMZ has obtained a video of Pedro Martinez cockfighting in the Domincan Rebulic with HOF'er Juan Marichal.

The "sport" is not illegal in the DR, but still sick in my opinion.

It's not known if Pedro owns (or perhaps owned) the bird, but he did release it into the ring and took part in chuckling & revelry in the audience as the cockfight continues.

Naturally, PETA's gettin' involved....

I never liked that asshole.

Of course, if he'll do this to pepaw Don Zimmer, it shouldn't surprise me that he'd release an innocent fowl into a pit of death.

Britney Sprung From The Loonie Bin

Brit was released from the psych ward this afternoon and what does she do after she leaves? Naturally, what any sane person would do while currently embroiled in legal battles, restraining orders and conservatorships......she proceeds to drive around L.A.!!!!


Take your fuckin' ass home, bitch!!!


Where's Momma & Poppa Spears?!?!?!




I shouldn't be surprised that the paps are all whipped up into an orgasmic frenzy at this moment, or that myfoxla.com is streaming LIVE VIDEO from a helicopter of the roadway madness. The "reporters" are commenting on her fabulous driving skills and the fact that she's dancing in her car at stop lights, presumably to music she's listening to.



Umm, I doubt she's playin' music in her car -- she's a wackjob!


She should NOT be turned loose back onto the streets of L.A.

Oy!

Perez Hilton is also reporting that Brit's "in the arms of the enemy" which can only mean one thing.

We'll see what transpires from this mess......

Suzanne Sugarbaker In Crazy House

What the hell is wrong with these people?! The loonie bin's claimed another one.



Delta Burke of Designing Women fame checked herself into a psych ward last week for a myriad of reasons: depression, obsessive-compulsive tendencies & "hoarding". Huh?

Is "hoarding" a clinical problem?

Rehab is *so* 2007! Psych wards are hot in '08!

Well, I hope she gets better soon so she can have a yard sale to get rid of her extra crap around the house. Where does she live, anyway? I need me some good wigs!

And BBW of the world need her to get back to the design studio -- swimsuit season's right around the corner!

For shits & giggles, here's a couple of my fave clips from DW....some of Suzanne's finest!

ENJOY!

Shoppin' Really Ages A Bitch

DAYUM!! What the fuck happened to Brad Pitt?!

7 days ago he was lookin' ripe & succulent enough to pluck from the vine, but today....? Not so much. Ho looks all kinds of busted in the face!

My guess is, it takes a lot outta The-Hotness-That-Is Brad Pitt when he knocks up Angie with 2 babies at once. Shit!

Remind me never to knock up my life partner with twins. A bitch needs to stay supple these days.


(VWR/X17online.com)

Here's Bradsky out shoppin' with Baby Z in the Hills of Beverly yesterday. Does Z get any bigger? Ever?! Are they feedin' her ass?

But me thinks Brad's agin' enough for the both of 'em.

Super Bowl Experience Thusfar....

We're about 11 minutes into the 3rd quarter of the big dance and, so far, it's been an OK game. At least Eli's not gettin' blown out. Boo, Brady, Boo!!

And of course they've already shown Jiz in the suite, cheerin' on her butt boy. And Jim Carey & Jenny McCarthy in their suite. And Pambo Anderson in her suite. Why the hell is she there? Did she take her boys to the game, too? Where the hell are her boys? Someone should issue an Amber Alert for Dylan & Brandon Lee, for realz!

I didn't care for the half-time show. Tom freakin' Petty & the freakin' Heartbreakers?! Gimme a break! Was Jesus busy tonight? I mean, Tom's about the same age as Jesus, right?

I coulda watched that shit on Vh1 Classic.

Anyhoobs, a few of the commercials are pretty entertaining. I loved the Thrillicious dancin' lizards. I rewound my TiVo a few times to watch that crazy shit over & over. I loved the one who farted fire! No, not Naomi Campbell, that hot-ass lizard. That was funny shit.



At least I get to occasionally see my lover, Joe Buck. Mmmmm. Love that hot piece!

He was in a Pepsi Max commercial for a minute:



I'm off to watch more game action & mediocre commercials.

More later....peas out!

I'm Not His Only Fan

See?! Even TMZ's got on the Novak bandwagon!


Yummy yummy yum!

My new lover picked up his first Grand Slam on Sunday by kickin' Jo-Wilfried Tsonga's ass in the finals of the Australian Open.