How Do You Say "NASTY!!!!" In Greek?

OMG!

A 9-year old girl in Athens, Greece, went to the hospital with severe stomach pains and it turns out...she was carrying the embryo of her twin in there!

NAST!!!!



Says the story: "Andreas Markou, head of the hospital's pediatric department, said the embryo was a formed fetus with a head, hair and eyes, but no brain or umbilical cord.

Markou said cases where one of a set of twins absorbs the other in the womb occurs in one of 500,000 live births."

So is that, like, a parasitic twin? Conjoined twins? Siamese twins? Hell, I don't know.

Kinda sad. But still "ewwww"-inducing.

Reminds me of that scene in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone when Professor Quirrell unwraps his head, turns around, and there's Voldemort's maggoty lookin' face! Gross!!

Anyhoobs, let's take a trip down memory lane and visit Lori & Dori/Reba/George Schappell, the oldest living conjoined twins in the world. Dori changed her name to Reba, then last year, she changed it to George. Ummm, whatever.

Muy caliente!!




Funny, she's got Amy Winehouse face.

He's Still Around??

I had to do a double-take when I saw this headline:

"Reds place Mercker on 15-DL"

I thought maybe they were referrin' to a potential Spawn in the minors or somethin'. Surely he's got kids old enough to play baseball, right?

Nope, they were talkin' about the real deal -- *THE* hot ho otherwise known as Kent Mercker (Atlanta Braves 1989-1995, 2003)!



I mean, this dude's been pitchin' since Jesus was a baby! I had no idea he was still in the bigs. Way to go, Pepaw!!

Anyhoobs, Kent's got lower back pain, on the DL retro to May 6. Probably arthritis....just a hunch.

I'd be surprised if his back *didn't* hurt -- dude's like, 93!

"Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!" -- Lloyd Christmas, Dumb & Dumber

Scary Moment For Sandra Bullock

This coulda been so much worse than it was.

Sandra Bullock and her hubster, Jesse James, were hit head-on by a drunk driver last night and both vehicles were totaled. Luckily, they were both traveling at a slow rate of speed, only around 15-20 mph. No one was injured.




Sixty-four-year-old memaw, Lucille Gatchelle (above), blew a .20 on the breathalyzer and was arrested at the scene for drunk driving. Dayum!

Don't drink & drive, people!!!!!

Spring Training, Here I Come!

I want to apologize for being so lax with the postin' this week. A million & one things to do.

I'm tryin' to wrap shit up at work, make my packin' list for the trip, stay on top of the Spawn to get his homework finished/turned in (his little mind is also startin' to drift towards warm, sunny Florida so I can't blame him...), get my Wally World shoppin' list straight, hit the tanning salon regularly (which I absolutely abhor), blah blah blah.

Oh, and while I'm keepin' all those balls in the air (teehee), I'm also tryin' to avoid gettin' the fuckin' Black Plague that seems to have the entire country in its gnarled death grip!

These bitches up in here BET NOT give me their SARS right before I leave for a 2-week trip! I've been sick while on vacay before and shit ain't cute. Trust!

I'm really hopin' I'll get to post while I'm down there, but it's lookin' pretty slim. Get this shit: our resort doesn't have wireless in the buildings! They say we can spend $25/week ($50 total!)to use the WiFi in the main lobby (like, out in the open, in front of Jesus & er'body!), or we have to use the dial up.

Dial up?! What the hell is that?! That's like, soooo 1990s! Sheesh! And besides, Momma needs her privacy!

Anyhoo, here are a few random tidbits from the mind of the Kween:

• Mike Hampton's back on the mound (simulation only)
• I'll be the crazy bitch at the Braves game on March 20. I apologize for anything that may or may not happen while I'm in attendance
• I've upped my usual fantasy baseball leagues from 1 to 3 (I'm sure I'll suck in all 3 and embarrass myself, as per usual)
• Christian "Ferocia Coutura" Siriano is our new Project Runway winner
• American Idol is pretty spiffy this season (although David "Gay Stripper Hotness" Hernandez just got the boot! What the...?! Who the fuck is votin' for Kristy Lee Cook? Go play with your PS2s (or *yourselves*) you horny 15-year-old boys! My new obsession is Jason Castro anyway....)
• Brit Brit's all "normal" & shit now -- bah, BORING!
• Jennifer Aniston & Owen Wilson are "canoodling" onset. zzzzzzzzz
• The Yankees & Devil Rays are already kickin' the shit out of each other (literally) and throwin' 'bows. Love the dramz! Oh, and how *key-yute* is Jonny Gomes!?!?!
• Fuggie Fug & Josh Duhamel are still engaged, I guess. Crap.
• And for all you pervy people all over the world who find your way to the Kastle by way of a "Jeremy Roloff hot" Google search, here he is. And, I'm not certain, but there may be a coupla Jonas Brothers in that photo, too:
  
  
  

P.S. -- Stay strong, Papa! Love you!

Dead Girl Smoking

OK, so maybe Anna Friel (aka "Dead Girl"/Chuck) from Pushing Daisies ain't as healthy as she wanted us to believe last week.

Anna was caught tokin' it up on a photo shoot break the other day.

I don't know what's more shocking: that she's a smoker, or that her baby-daddy is Professor Remus Lupin from Harry Potter!

Yep, Gracie Ellen Mary's pops is David Thewlis.

Yikes!

R.I.P. Mr. Wahlberg

Donald E. Wahlberg, father of Mark & Donnie Wahlberg, passed away on Valentine's Day.

How sad!

How's This For Irony!

CNN reports:

Crash kills 20 after air safety meeting

"Twenty members of the Polish Air Force returning from a flight-safety conference have been killed when a transport plane crashed in the northwest of the country.

The Spanish-built CASA transporter crashed near the town of Miroslawiec, a few hundred kilometers northwest of Warsaw, around 7 p.m. (1700 GMT).

The passengers had attended the 15th annual Flight Safety Conference, held in Warsaw on Wednesday. The plane took off from Warsaw and was making several stops before returning to its home base in Krakow."

I would never make light of a situation that involves folks perishing in a firey manner -- or any manner for that matter, really -- but ain't this some shit?!

These were AIR FLIGHT SAFETY PEOPLE!!!

See what can happen?! You bitches make fun of me 'cause I won't get my fat ass on a plane, but lookie here! Reason #128,596 that Momma don't fly!

"I get around as God intended....in a car." - Kate, French Kiss

More Heath Ledger

I am still in shock over the untimely death of Heath Ledger.

I first fell in love with the boy after seeing "The Patriot". I was in luuuurve with Gabriel Martin.

I remember *running* (literally, running) to the computer when the movie was over to find out more about this vision of loveliness that had just graced my TV screen. I found out he was an Australian import. Up & coming hot, young actor. Etc., etc., etc.

I didn't see every movie he made, but I enjoyed his work in the ones I did see. What a shame that he will no longer be sharing his gift of acting with the world.

It's so hard to keep up with the speculations and "news" stories surrounding his death: sleeping pills, overdose, suicide, European prescriptions, insomnia, illegal drugs, $20 bills, Mary-Kate Olsen......it's just too much.

The fact that his beautiful little girl, Matilda, will grow up without her proud, doting father in her life is heartbreaking to me.

My thoughts are with Michelle Williams, Matilda and Heath's family & friends.

Heath Ledger Is Dead

I just can't effin' believe Heath Ledger's dead! I'm in shock!

Don't do drugs, kids.



How sad. And that poor little baby girl, Matilda. So sad.

Spidey's Single!

I don't know what's more shocking: Spiderman is still a current comic book or that I'm writin' about this shit. Slow day I guess.

I thought when they started makin' the Spiderman movies, it was sorta like "Enough with the nerdy comic books! We're movin' on to Hollywood, bitches!!!!"

Anyway, Spiderman has dumped that whore, Mary Jane, after 20 years of marriage (!?). Can't *anybody* stay together these days!?!?!?!?!? Not even the cartoon world is immune from the ugly face of divorce!

Now ol' Petey Parker will have more time for tea-baggin' Batman & Superman. Oh, and Robin, too.


Looks like Mary Jane was a hooker on the Vegas strip in her spare time. "Hey, baby!"

Brit To Hit The Big Screen...Again?

UGH! For the love of everything holy, say it ain't so!

PageSix reports that Miz Spears is in talks to star in Memoirs of a Medicated Child. She's a perfect fit!

Click here to read the rest of this dastardly story.

And below you'll see our girl BS on last night's Rite Aid shopping spree I told you about earlier today. The only reason I'm posting this pic is because I noticed what she's holding in her delicate, feminine, well-manicured hand....At first I thought it was a can of FDS, but upon further inspection (and knowin' her skank self) it's a can of that cheap ass knock-off body spray.

You tellin' me she can't afford the good stuff?! And by "good stuff" I mean the stuff you hafta have the clerk come over to the cosmetics section & unlock the sliding glass door to retrieve.

It may not *be* FDS, but she should use it like it is cuz you know her stuff ain't right.

Baseball In Steroids

I love baseball. That's it. Pure and simple.

It breaks my heart to hear the things currently being said & done in the greatest sport ever.

Things such as this, and this, and this. It's everywhere!

I've been pretty mum on this subject so far. Not because I don't have anything of substance to say about steroids in baseball (although it's true that I probably don't.....you decide), but because it makes me sick.


(Image: ESPN.com)

Was I surprised that Jose Canseco wrote a book calling out former teammates on their steroid use? No. The actions of lonely, bitter people rarely shock me.

Was I surprised when Barry Bonds became the center of 'roid-use speculation because he gained 5 million pounds of muscle over the course of a few years? No. But I figured "hey, dude's gettin' old, he's probably just hittin' the gym to stay in shape to be competitive." So I'm naive. Don't judge.

I guess what finally shocked me was seeing the players' names in the Mitchell report, released Dec. 13. I grew up watching these guys. I know their histories.

I've never "idolized" any baseball player for his strengths on the field. In fact, I've never really even had a favorite player. Unless you count the little-girl crush I had on Gregg Jefferies when I was in the 8th grade, but I don't count that shit. (Sidebar: I remember that year for Christmas, I got every single Jefferies collectible under the sun (autographed player cards, pictures, posters, figurines, t-shirts, you name it!) Hey, what can I say, I was convinced that I was gonna marry the dude one day. I digress.)

Let's just say that I never considered MLB players to be role models, but that's probably because I'm a female. I suppose if I was a 10-year-boy who was a Yankees fan, I may dream of growing up to be Derek Jeter. I guess I just never put too much stock in the players themselves.

Ya see, I just love the game.

• I love sitting in the stands with 35,000 people who enjoy the game as much as I do.
• I love the (overpriced) beer and hot dogs.
• I love the delayed sound of the crack of the bat as I'm sitting 400 feet away in the right-center field bleachers.
• I love the cheesy little promotions a team puts on between innings to keep attending fans interested.
• I love batting practice.
• I love rain delays.
• I love TBS for allowing me to watch my beloved Atlanta Braves on TV year after year for too many to remember. (Thanks Skip & Pete!)
• I love the sound of the vendors selling their wares.
• I love a well-executed hit-&-run.
• I love the look on my son's face as he cheers after a spectacular play made by an outfielder.
• I love successful pick-off plays.
• I love to sway back & forth with the crowd as we all join in for "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" during the 7th inning stretch.
• I love the wave.
• I love beach balls being batted around the stands on a hot summer day.
• I love no hitters.
• And of course, I love home runs.

I love all of the little nuances that make the game what it is. But to be completely honest, I've never really given two shits about the players themselves. For the most part, they're all over-paid, whiney little bitches.

It's sad that this large group of men -- and I'm sure there are many, many more than just those listed in the Mitchell report -- have collectively ruined the NAME of the game I love so much. I say they ruined the "NAME" of the game, because to me, they didn't ruin the game itself.

No one will ever ruin the game of baseball for me.

The Braves could run the cast of Cocoon out on the field 162 games in a row and I wouldn't care one damn bit. It's the game that I love, not the cheaters players.

So until I see Wilford Brimley behind the plate and Jessica Tandy at short, I say Selig should institute a baseball law that every single player on every single team be tested monthly for banned substances. If you can't handle that, players, then get the fuck off my field!

Problem solved.

(steps off soapbox)

Tonight: Best Year Ever!

Tonight's the premier of the 2007 edition of VH1's Best Year Ever! Be there or be square, bitches!



I can't wait to see what they have to say about Brit Brit and all the celebubitch jail-birds of '07!

HE'S 2007's Sexiest Man Alive?!?!

So, there I was, gettin' my beauty on at the hair salon today and I see People's Sexiest Man Alive issue layin' around. I couldn't get past the "winner" on the cover so I never even opened it up. Who the hell votes on this shit?

Matt Damon used to be sexy back in the day -- like back in the Bourne Identity days. But now he's just lookin' like a used up condom. I think his wifey's sucked the hot out of him.



Hell, Robin Roberts is a Sexier Man Alive than MD! I kid! I love Robin.

Anyhoo, a quick Google search revealed the long list of almost-winners and I coulda picked about 200 hotter men than Matt Damon!

For starters, Brad Pitt. That man tops *every* list as far as I'm concerned. I mean, just LOOK at him. I've never seen a man so lovely.



And there were a million people on that list that I'd never even heard of. I guess I'm too busy watchin' I Love New York and Little People Big World to know who the hell Seth Gabel and Penn Badgley are.

I don't know if any of these yayhoos are even on the People list, but I don't give a damn. This is my chance to post about hot boys.

My votes woulda been for Dave Annable (hell, that hot bitch in the pic with him is sexier than Matt Damon):



David Beckham:



Taye Diggs' Brown Sugar Ass:



Tim Daly (oh how I miss Wings!):



Shemar Moore:



Prince Harry and his Ginger locks:



Tim Gunn (Make it Work!):



Justin Chambers:



Ryan Reynolds (I'll even forget that he's Canadian for a minute). And I mean the HOT version of Ryan Reynolds, not the skinny Al Borland from Home Improvement version:



Adam Levine (I don't care if he *is* a tool):



Peter Krause (I miss Nate Fisher!):



Josh Duhamel (I'll even forgive him for pokin' Fuggy Fug all these years). I mean, look at that hot piece! DAYUM!:



Shit, I'd even take Joel McHale over Matt Damon:



And on a side note, why the hell is Justin Timberlake makin' any Sexiest lists? He aint' NO kind of sexy. He looks like a poor man's Robin Thicke in a bad holiday velvet ascot. TRUST!



C'MON People magazine! You better bring the *real* hotness next year!

Yea, in case you can't tell, I'm not too thrilled with People's winner this year, but in reality, I really don't give two shits.

Oh, and speakin' of Little People Big World, why the hell wasn't Jeremy Roloff on that list?! He's 19 now, he's legal!

Separated at Birth

Why the Hell ain't nobody ever said these two were separated at birth?! Shit!

There IS no Neil McCarthy -- it was a conspiracy. Sister Patterson is secretly Calibos from Clash of the Titans! Shifty!

I thought she looked like his ass in the first season of I Love New York, but dayum, it's even worse this time around -- the nails, the hooked nose, the feathered Heather Locklear weave (which, I might add, has drastically shrunk that 10-head she's sportin' because of the new style). Give her a fork hand and it's all over. Ugh, what the eff!!

GD, I loved this movie. Seriously. And this bitch ruined it for me!



And just because I know you miss her ass, here's the vintage 10-head Sister Patterson:



Will someone please get me this figurine for Christmas?! That, my friends, is some hot shit! It'll be worth millions one day!

Separated at Birth

It's the battle of the Crazy Eyes! Courtney Love vs. Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas.

I think Courtney wins the battle.

And just because it scared the shit outta me:

What the fuck is that? That's totally an Olsen twin in 15 years. Dayum!