I apologize to my many, many blog fans (both of you) for not posting in a while. I was on vacay Christmas week, returned home on Jan. 3 and headed back to work Jan. 4.
Naturally, after 2 straight weeks with the Hubs & the Spawn, Momma needed a night on the town, so I went out with a few of my drinkin' buddies last Friday and acted like a slutty bar ho. Not really, but I wish.
Due to a Series of Unfortch Events (SoUE), I've been feelin' a bit sickly since Saturday (coincidentally, that's the day after Momma's Night Out....more on that below). It's been waaaaay hard to keep my fingers shut & not blog. TRUST!
Wanna hear about my misery (some of it self-inflicted)? Here ya go:
SoUE #1: Because I was out actin' a skank Friday night, I smoked about 6 packs of ciggies and woke up feelin' like shit the next day. Normally I can bounce back from that emphysema-for-a-day feelin' because I'm such a hot bitch, but.........
SoUE #2: Two days later, the 10 inches of snow we had on the ground started meltin'. Remember, this is Michigan. And it's January! Well, as the air heated up and the snow started dwindlin'........
SoUE #3: It created the. worst. fog. ever. and my asthma kicked up. Yes, I have mild asthma and I smoked 6 packs of cancer sticks at the bar. Don't judge. Anyhoobs, after the fog cleared.......
SoUE #4: The nast, moldy ground kicked up my allergies and now I have a head cold. I'm sure my sinuses look like Lindsay's vag after a 3-day visit to Italy.
SoUE #5: I had to pack & move my office (Yes, I have a real job, bitches! Try it!) in a day & a half and have been behind in my affairs. I just can't function knowin' that all of my personal effects are packed away in boxes and I have 80 unanswered emails in my inbox. I'm anal that way. No, not *that* way, that way.
Let me just digress for a minute to tell you that I'M SOOO IN A BAND NOW! I got to play in the bar band Friday night, and you'll be soooooo shellus (that's "jealous" but with a French accent or some shit. I say it all the time) when you hear what instruments they let me play. No, not the skin flute, *actual* instruments.
Naturally, after 2 straight weeks with the Hubs & the Spawn, Momma needed a night on the town, so I went out with a few of my drinkin' buddies last Friday and acted like a slutty bar ho. Not really, but I wish.
Due to a Series of Unfortch Events (SoUE), I've been feelin' a bit sickly since Saturday (coincidentally, that's the day after Momma's Night Out....more on that below). It's been waaaaay hard to keep my fingers shut & not blog. TRUST!
Wanna hear about my misery (some of it self-inflicted)? Here ya go:
SoUE #1: Because I was out actin' a skank Friday night, I smoked about 6 packs of ciggies and woke up feelin' like shit the next day. Normally I can bounce back from that emphysema-for-a-day feelin' because I'm such a hot bitch, but.........
SoUE #2: Two days later, the 10 inches of snow we had on the ground started meltin'. Remember, this is Michigan. And it's January! Well, as the air heated up and the snow started dwindlin'........
SoUE #3: It created the. worst. fog. ever. and my asthma kicked up. Yes, I have mild asthma and I smoked 6 packs of cancer sticks at the bar. Don't judge. Anyhoobs, after the fog cleared.......
SoUE #4: The nast, moldy ground kicked up my allergies and now I have a head cold. I'm sure my sinuses look like Lindsay's vag after a 3-day visit to Italy.
SoUE #5: I had to pack & move my office (Yes, I have a real job, bitches! Try it!) in a day & a half and have been behind in my affairs. I just can't function knowin' that all of my personal effects are packed away in boxes and I have 80 unanswered emails in my inbox. I'm anal that way. No, not *that* way, that way.
Let me just digress for a minute to tell you that I'M SOOO IN A BAND NOW! I got to play in the bar band Friday night, and you'll be soooooo shellus (that's "jealous" but with a French accent or some shit. I say it all the time) when you hear what instruments they let me play. No, not the skin flute, *actual* instruments.
(Please keep in mind the following: I can sing like a bird but I can't read music or play an instrument to save my effin' life...except for the skin flute, but that's a whole 'notha show!)
First, I played the TAMBOURINE! Then I played the MARACAS! And to top it all off, I played the COW BELL!! Swear. to. Gawd! I am so in a band! They LOVED me! So a big ups to my boys, The Shaydes (Marko, Pete, Kevin & Jim). I was the unofficial 5th Shayde Friday night. Lovez it!
So, to make a long story short, I haven't had a chance to talk about that psycho, pap-fuckin', no draws-wearin', aimless drivin', hotel-stayin', no kid lovin', hostage takin' Miz Spears. It's been killin' me!!
Roger Clemens is killin' me, too! I watched that fat bitch on "60 Minutes" the other night sayin' "It didn't happen" and "It never happened" a lot.
He also answered Mike Wallace's question about whether or not ex-trainer Brian McNamee injected him "in the buttocks" on multiple occasions by saying "If he's doing that to me, I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead. I should be pulling tractors with my teeth." HAHA!! Sign his ass up for the Strongman contest!
He also answered Mike Wallace's question about whether or not ex-trainer Brian McNamee injected him "in the buttocks" on multiple occasions by saying "If he's doing that to me, I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead. I should be pulling tractors with my teeth." HAHA!! Sign his ass up for the Strongman contest!
BTW, Mike Wallace is the hottest crypt keeper *ever*! M'just sayin'.
Clemens also said: "The higher you get up on the flagpole, the more your butt shows. I understand all that." Um, yea, the visual on that one was just HIGHliarous.
Clemens also said: "The higher you get up on the flagpole, the more your butt shows. I understand all that." Um, yea, the visual on that one was just HIGHliarous.
Fucker.
Oh, and check out this little piece.
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