Bust Out The Pepaw Sweaters, Y'All

In honor of the late Mr. Rogers' birthday, March 20 has been heralded "Sweater Day".



The AP reports that "Sweater Day" is the capstone to a six-day celebration planned by Family Communications Inc. of Pittsburgh. Rogers created the company to produce his show.

6 days?!?! Dayum! That's like Mardi Gras or somethin'!

Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was the shit back in the day! I loved the Land of Make Believe and those crazy-ass handpuppets of royalty.

For the love of everything Holy, people, Mr. McFeely has asked you to wear a sweater! Do it, dammit!

Vive la Mr. Rogers sweater!

That Don't Look Natural

The other day, I posted about how the world can't seem to get enough of Christina Aguilera's post-pregger boobies. My point was, "What's the big damn deal?"

Here she is takin' her puppies out for a walk, and in lookin' at her assets in the photo below, you'll notice two things:

1) Her shits are wonky
2) She got more blue veins than Estelle Getty



Now, as I've stated before, I've given birth (through the hoo-ha, thank you very much -- no C-Section cheatin' goin' on down there), and I've breastfed, so I can say this to you, Christina, mother to mother: Honey, please put 'em away 'til they're ready to be seen in public. When your chesticles look like a road map, they just ain't ready.

Those milk ducts are pushin' the implants hither & yon. Or vice versa.

That is not a breast shape found in nature. That shit looks painful!

Ouch!

Dayum! Those European footballers ain't no joke! Homies are straight up evil.

Birmingham City defender, Martin Taylor, made a leg-breaking tackle on Arsenal striker, Eduardo, in Saturday's Premier League match. A lot of people are claiming that the play was intentional and they're now calling for Taylor's head.

Well, not really, but you know how serious those soccer crazies are! Taylor better hire his ass some bodyguards, STAT! Those Arsenal fans could be out for blood.

Television stations refused to show replays of the gruesome tackle. I'm gonna post some photos below, so if ya don't wanna see 'em, don't scroll down. Not much blood, but still cringe-inducing.

Some have said that Taylor deserves a life ban from the sport for the "horror tackle". Hmm, they may be on to somethin' there.

Arsene Wenger was quoted as saying: "Taylor should never play again. People will say he is not the type of guy who does that. But it is like a guy who kills only once in his life. There is still a dead person."

Eduardo, 24, underwent surgery to repair the compound fracture of his fibula and tibia. It is uncertain when he will be able to return to the pitch, as his career may be over. Sad.

Stop The Presses! Christina Aguilera Has Big Boobs!

What is the big freakin' deal about Xtina's boobage? She just had a baby for cryin' outloud!



Post after post after post after post after post of folks talkin' 'bout her cleavage. Yes, we know. Get over it already.

She had big fakes ones *before* she got preggers, so what do you expect now?

I've got big hoots, too, and you don't see me talkin' about 'em all the time. They were nice to have back in the day, but once those suckers became a food source, not so much.

So can we now all move on from her lactation stations and discuss somethin' else?

Dead Girl Smoking

OK, so maybe Anna Friel (aka "Dead Girl"/Chuck) from Pushing Daisies ain't as healthy as she wanted us to believe last week.

Anna was caught tokin' it up on a photo shoot break the other day.

I don't know what's more shocking: that she's a smoker, or that her baby-daddy is Professor Remus Lupin from Harry Potter!

Yep, Gracie Ellen Mary's pops is David Thewlis.

Yikes!

Nip/Tuck Season Finale (Spoilers)

Anybody else in the world watch this hotness but me?



(Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! If you haven't seen the season finale of Nip/Tuck yet, don't read this shit then email me bitchin' 'bout what I wrote.)

I've been a fan of this trashy show since the beginning, with the exception of last season -- the season when Julia was screwin' the midget nanny.....? I'm a huge fan of midget nannies, but for some reason I just couldn't get with it last year.

But this year, holy shit! I couldn't get enough!

I'll be the first to admit, the first epi of the season, I was like, "What the fuck...?! This shit best get better than this or Ryan Murphy's ass is in trouble!" That whole "Hearts & Scalpels" and movin' to L.A. shit was just too damn tacky.

Thankfully, it did pick up. Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) was still a complete dickhead, but the storylines weren't as far-fetched as they have been in seasons past (with the exception of the last couple episodes when Matt was sleepin' with his then-unknown half-sister, Emme...but whatever. It happens to the best of us).

Sharon Gless (Cagney & Lacey fame) played Colleen Rose, Sean McNamara's (Dylan Walsh) psycho wanna-be manager this season and her ass deserves a damn Oscar!

Oscar, Emmy, Tony, Golden Globe, Grammy, BET, CMA, SAG, Essence, Vh1 Big In '08, MTV Video Music, Nickelodeon Kids' Choice, Car & Driver, Darwin, Webby -- every award under the effin' SUN!

That bitch was C-R-A-Z-Y!! Made me hafta watch with the lights turned on! Ho was cree-py!

(I'll repeat: SPOILER COMIN' UP!)

In the final scene of the season, Colleen's certifiable ass came into the O.R. & stabbed Sean in the back with a huge-ass, shiny-ass butcher's knife about 5 or 6 times. He fell to the floor chokin' & spurtin' blood outta his mouth, with poor little Annie (the daughter no one cares about this season) layin' on the operating table, completely unaware of the goings-on in the room.

Then..........

BLACK

Certainly, Sean can't die. He's a main character!

Who would be the Thelma to Christian's Louise? Who would be the Tim Gunn to Christian's Heidi Klum? Who would be the Krystle Carrington to Christian's Alexis Carrington Colby? Who would be the Dorothy Zbornak to Christian's Sophia Petrillo?

You get the idea...

If Sean dies, I won't come back. He was the main reason I tuned in. Unlike most horny old women, I didn't tune in to see Christian screw everything with a pulse. Sean's the one who did it for me, and believe it or not, he kept his clothes on most of the time.

I'd totally rock Dylan Walsh (sorry MeMe). So if he goes, I go. No other reason to watch.



So how many months will I have to wait, Ryan Murphy?! When will the next season begin? When will I be able to rest comfortably at night knowing that Sean lives?!?!!?

When, Ryan Murphy? When, when, when, when???

Get Well Mark DeRosa

Former Atlanta Braves infielder, and current Chicago Cubs 2B, Mark DeRosa, was stretchered off the Fitch Park spring training field on Saturday in Mesa, Arizona, after experiencing an irregular heartbeat during drills.

He is said to be "doing fine" per manager Lou Pinella. He's three days shy of his 33rd birthday.



DeRosa was forced to leave a game last June 20 against the Texas Rangers with an ocular migraine when he lost partial vision in his left eye.

Hey peeps, I have an irregular heartbeat and shit ain't fun. I couldn't imagine puttin' my body through the rigorous activities these dudes experience.

That's why I keep my fat ass on the couch, watchin' TV with a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other.

Can't be too careful when it comes to the ol' ticker.

Get well soon, Mark!

Scott Boras Is A Little Bitch...

...According to Gary Sheffield.

Thursday mornin', Sheff accused Scott Boras of bein' a "bad person" because he's a money-grubbin' ho.

Excuse my ignorance, but, DUH! That's why he represents all y'all greedy bitches!

If I was a greedy slut I'd be a 'bad person', too. I'd swiftly sign myself up to rake yo' ass over the coals for as long as I could!

Naturally, I'm a Sheffield fan because he's a former Atlanta Braves player and I secretly *want* to root for his ass (so it's by association), but since he's currently playin' for my husband's team (and my mortal nemesis by default), the Detroit Tigers, I don't give a rat's hairy ass about him anymore!

OK, maybe I'm not so much a Sheff fan. The fucker.

He's just tryin' to get his old-ass Pepaw mug in the paper these days.

Kiss it, Gary Sheffield! Kiss it!

I'm irritated, so just read the damn story already!

I'm (Officially) Gonna Live!

As you know, I've been obsessed with the story of the dead spy satellite that was gonna fall on my triflin' ass and kill me.

But the US Navy's plan to kill my predator before it had a chance to block me from retrievin' my Diamonique worked!

So I'll be wearin' that fantabulous Diamonique ankle bracelet when I'm on vacay in 3 weeks. Sa-weet!

The US government loves me.

This Has It All

Did y'all watch the Project Runway reunion last night?!?! It was great!

I can't stand Carmen! She was sheddin' the tears of Satan.

But please watch this clip for the following reasons:

• The beauty of Chris March, aka Dom DeLuise, cacklin' to beat the band
• Michael Kors laughin' hysterically at those WWE Diva whores
• Ferocia Coutura, aka My Girlfriend! She's "fiersssssss"!
• Mr. Kors lookin' like the lost member of Wham!

It's sheer beauty! Enjoy!

And just because.......you must must must fast forward to 7:20 of *this* vid to see a tribute to Ricky's bawlin' ass. It's fabo! But homegirl did NOT look happy about it!

Wonder who's gonna win!???

I can't wait to see New York Fashion Week on the next epi -- I wanna see if Rami tries to push more draped jersey down the catwalk, if Chris tries show huge drag costumes, if Christian creates more drama, if oatmeal-ass Jillian can keep folks AWAKE! She's so zzzzzzzzzzz Ugh!

Anyhoobs, I'm excited for the next 2 weeks, bitches!

Ferocia Coutura!