Bein' A GM In The Major Leagues Is Bad For Your Health

If you thought bein' an MLB home plate umpire was a dangerous job, try bein' a general manager.

Yesterday, Ed Wade, GM of the Houston Astros, was *choked* by pitcher Shawn Chacon following a heated exchange between the two men in the dining room before Houston's game against Texas. Mmm, boy -- nothin' gets me fired up like buffet style green beans!

Chacon has been suspended indefinitely (duh!).

The Houston Chronicle reports: "According to Chacon, he was in the dining room after batting practice when (manager Cecil) Cooper asked him to come to his office.

"I said, 'What do you want to speak to me about?' " Chacon said. "He said, 'We just want to talk to you.' I said, 'Anything you can say, you can say to me right here. I don't want to go to the office.' He looked at me, and I said, 'There's nothing for me to say to you guys.' And I don't think whatever they had to say to me they were going to make me happy. I didn't want to get in a closed-room conversation."

"I sat down to eat, and Ed Wade came to me and very sternly said, 'You need to come with me to the office.' I said, 'For what? I don't want to go to the office with you and Cooper.' And I said, 'You can tell me whatever you've got to tell me right here.' He's like, 'Oh, you want me to tell you right here?' And I said, 'Yeah.' I'm not yelling. I'm calm."

It deteriorated quickly afterward, according to Chacon.

"He started yelling and cussing," Chacon said of Wade. "I'm sitting there, and I said to him very calmly, 'Ed, you need to stop yelling at me. Then I stood up and said, 'You better stop yelling at me.' I stood up. He continued and was basically yelling and stuff and was like, 'You need to (expletive) look in the mirror.' So at that point I lost my cool, and I grabbed him by the neck and threw him to the ground. I jumped on top of him, because at that point I wanted to beat his (behind). Words were exchanged."

Words were exchanged? Umm, pretty sure that's an understatement, Shawn Chokeon!

The Choke Artist is pissed that he was demoted from starter to relief pitcher over the weekend. By the way, the numbers from his last start, June 19, look like this: 5.0 IP, 8 H, 6 R, 6 ER, 2 HR, 4 BB, 0 SO.

He ain't all that outstandin' anyway. Career 45-61 record & 5.0 ERA. Meh.

Here's my point: When your general manager (it's the GM, not the towel boy!) asks to speak with you, YOU. DO. IT! Period. No questions asked. He has a *lot* to do with your $2 million dollar paycheck, dude.

You don't jump up and Latrell Sprewell his ass! Dayum!

GMs of the future, beware. I guess ya just never know which player's gonna snap and go for the jugular.

Sacramento Queens

Haha! Looks like a few Sacramento Kings dancers are in hot water after sexy pics of 'em boozin' it up & actin' like whores leaked onto the internet last week.

Photos of the Kings' Royal Court dance team feature them in g-strings & fug socks (thankfully not worn at the same time, that would be *totally* unacceptable!), drinkin' cheap ass wine of some sort and standin' in a bathroom. I don't get it.







I'm disappointed. This shit is WEAK! Zero creativity!

They shoulda called up former beauty queen Katie Rees for some photographical advice. That bitch knows how to throw down in front of a camera!

I'm ready for my close-up, y'all!

L.A. State of Mind

Aiight, so Andruw Jones was signed by the Dodgers today. Whoopty-whoop.

Funny enough, I don't have much to say about this. Had he sold out for the Mets or Yankees, I woulda been pissed. But Los Angeles...? Eh.

I *can* say DAYUM to the $36 millz for only 2 years, considering he was a .222 hitter last season. Of course, he did hit 26 HRs and drive in 94. I knew 2007 was just an off-year for him.

Now, watch him come back & kick the shit outta the Braves next year. He'll prolly OWN Tom Glavine. And he may play some part in puttin' Mike "I'm Made of Paper" Hampton back on the shelf. No matter how it happens, it'll happen: Jackie Paper will wind up injured. Again.

Damn you, Joe Torre. Damn you all to hell!

I don't care how much shit I talk about Druw, I'll still miss is sorry ass in CF. He's been the cornerstone of our outfield for lots o' years and I'll miss his defensive prowess (I've always wanted to say "prowess".) Seriously. I'm gonna miss homegirl.

Anyhoo, I guess he won't be takin' in any more Atlanta Hawks games. He & Raphael Furcal can go watch Kobe do whatever the hell it is that he does.



Oh, and they can make fun of former teammates, like this yay-hoo (cuz I'd sure as hell whoop his ass if I ever seen him wearin' this gayer-than-gay visor. A *visor*?! Dude. Seriously.)