Still Another Rocket Scandal

So Roger Clemens couldn't keep the needle outta his ass OR his winky in his pants!

If Debbie wasn't beatin' Rog's ass over this little morsel from a few days ago, she probably will be after this one!

Mindy McCready may not have been the only whore in The Rocket's life. A new report has surfaced alleging that he also "had a relationship" with John Daly's ex-wife, Paulette Dean Daly.


(Paulette Daly with trophy husband, John)

I'm sure Clemens looked like quite the gem after you'd been married to this no-shirt-wearin', bare-footed, beer-bellied, chain-smokin' hillbilly slob.



(Mostest awesomest golf news clip. Ever!)

But I must admit ('cause I'm a hillbilly, too) that his hat's pretty damn hot! GO HOGS!

And what the hell is cutie-pie news dude talkin' about, "this is an unbelievably gorgeous course"?!?! He must've already had his beer goggles on. Had he been hittin' the sauce a little too early in the day? Fairways at Daly's Murder Rock Golf Club in Branson, MO, look like the damn Arizona desert! I think I saw a prickly cactus.

If baby thinks that course is sexy, he should get a load'a me at Hank's Honky Tonk at 1:30 a.m. on a Wednesday. He'll be wantin' to marry a bitch!

I've always liked John Daly. Wanna know why? Homegirl just Don't. Give. A. Fuck. He's like "Yea, I'm backwoods. So what? Yea, I'm big-boned. So what? Yea, I'm a boozehound. So what? Eff you." I like that in a man.

Way hotter than Roger Freakin' Clemens! That pussy.

"Don't underestimate the fat man." -- "Golfer" John Daly, 2008

Oh, and a big "howdy, pard'ner" to Johnny Lee hittin' the links in that vid!

Immelman Wins Masters

How cute is HE?! Dayum!



South African (and total babe!) Trevor Immelman, 28, slips into his green jacket after his first Masters win at Augusta National on Sunday.

He finished at 8 under to take home the coveted prize. Poor, poor Tiger Woods finished 3 shots behind Immelman at 5 under and failed to win his 5th green jacket.

All together now: "Awwwwwww".

Whatever.

Back to the hottie....

It's sad that although Immelman won the 2008 Masters Tournament, Tiger will get more press because he *didn't* win.

Notice in the headline story on espn.com, Tiger's name still appears 6 paragraphs ABOVE Immelman's. Nice goin', Wojciechowski!

Now if we could just get Mr. Immelman out of that jacket.......yummmmm

A Hawk's Revenge!

A red-tailed hawk sought revenge for its cousin's murder by attacking a schoolgirl who was touring Fenway Park in Boston on Thursday. Crazy!

Apparently, momma hawk was protecting an egg that was located in its nest nearby.

I'm tellin' ya, that bird caught wind of Tripp Isenhour, the psycho golfer who purposely killed a hawk at an Orlando golf course back in December because it was squawkin' too much.

I can hear momma hawk now: "I shall seek retribution for the atrocities brought upon my feathery cousin! Die human, DIE!"



The chicky-poo was not seriously injured.

But she's lookin' for the number of Britney's stylist 'cause she's in need of a weave, STAT!

Note To Self:

Don't interrupt filmation of instructional golf videos!

These crazy golf hos don't fuck around!

"Pro golfer" Tripp Isenhour was allegedly tryin' to scare away a protected hawk that was makin' too much noise while he was filmin' an instructional video.

Isenhour took a shot (golf shot, that is) at the bird high up in a tree when he "accidentally" struck & killed it.

Isenhour is now facing criminal charges (of cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird) for the incident that took place on Dec. 12 in Orlando. He faces up to 14 months in jail and $1,500 in fines.

"About the sixth ball came very near the bird's head, and (Isenhour) was very excited that it was so close," Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer Brian Baine wrote in a report.

What a fuckin' bloodthirsty, merciless brute this Isenhour is! Monster!

I sure as hell hope he doesn't have kids. God forbid the chirrens start actin' up while Daddy Dearest is watchin' The Legend of Bagger Vance! I shutter to think what would happen to 'em.

After Isenhour clunked the fowl with his ball from roughly 75 yard away, it fell from the tree, bleeding from both nostrils. The bird was buried at the golf course and later dug up by Florida investigators.

Cover up! Cover up!

Give him the chair, I say!! Fry his ass!!! Turn PETA loose on him for five minutes in a dark room! Where's Bob Barker when ya need him!? Yea, yea, get Bob "The Price Is Wrong, Bitch!" Barker on the case!



(The above is not an image of the actual crime victim.)

R.I.P., poor little birdie. Golf pun not intended.

Is There Anything This Man Can't Do?

I'm not a fan of Tiger Woods, but I do enjoy The Onion. I secretly wish I was smart & witty enough to work at The Onion.

Maybe someday. Maybe someday.

Read the story about this Superman.

Tiger Woods Putts Baby Into Diaper