Just By The Hair Of Gonzo's Chinny-Chin-Chin

After a *ahem* hairy 9th inning, the ever so gorgeous & talented Mike Gonzalez was able to notch his 34th consecutive save Friday night by getting Austin Kearns to fly out to, who else, Mr. Snoozefest himself, Jeff Francoeur. (Sorry, dude's puttin' me in a coma these days...)

Whew. The disgusting Mets (finally) lost tonight but the Phillies won. Boo! Hiss!

(The ever so gorgeous & talented Mike Gonzalez, far left. Photo: northfultontimes.com)

No ground gained for the Braves in the NL East with the 7-6 win over the Washington Nationals, but at least they didn't fall in the standings.

Congrats, Huddy, on win #10. Long over-due, my man.

It's on you, JJ! Let's get 'em again tomorrow, boyz! The time is *now* for the Braves to remove heads from asses!

(I'm such a lady...)

Shit, if the Mets can go on a tear, why can't we??

Umm, Frenchy's Back? Already?

Christmas came early for Jeff Francoeur.



While I'm sure there are thousands of people who are thrilled that Frenchy was recalled from AA Mississippi today, you can't count me as one of those happy revelers.

I have 2 reasons for my thinking, which I'll discuss in a bit.

3 days.

That's it. He was in the minors for 3 effin' days.

What started as a "minimum of 10 days" became 72 hours.

What the hell?!?!

I don't buy what GM Frank Wren's sellin': That he didn't recall Francoeur because of "injuries" sustained by Braves players over the weekend. Where the hell is Brandon Jones?! Why can't he play? Or Josh Anderson?

Francoeur was the ONLY option? And it was the way he was hittin' the cover off the ball in a dozen ABs?

I call bullshit, Frankie!

Don't get me wrong, for the sake of my team, I hope dude rebounds & hits .538 for the remainder of the season in an Atlanta Braves uniform and helps carry this club to the World Series, but I don't see that happenin'. I'd like to believe that he's cured of his shittiness at the plate.

Reason #1 the Kween's not happy: The Golden Child of Atlanta has yet another call go in his favor. Not sayin' he doesn't work hard, but this kid has seemingly had every opportunity handed to him -- he's the Face of the Braves Future. Why not leave him in Mississippi and let him get his groove back? Frank Wren, you're a joke.

And suddenly, Frenchy's "putting aside hard feelings" now that he's gotten the call-up. Hmm. Funny how that happens.



Reason #2 the Kween's not happy: So he went 7-13 in 3 games and hit .538 for the Mississippi Braves. So what?

The dude was sent down because he didn't have a handle on the strike zone, he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn and he was overwhelmed by major league pitching.

And after 3 short days with Phillip Wellman he's completely transformed? Not a chance.

So he "tears up the minor leagues" and all of a sudden, he's back in the bigs? Then why not bring up *every* minor leaguer who gets lucky & hits .500+ in 3 games. Ooh, yea, let's do that!

The revolving doors of Major League Baseball...

Shit, let's call up Reid Gorecki! He's hittin' .429 after goin' 3-7 in 2 games!

Umm, no. That would be riDONKulus and so is this Frenchy decision.

Mike Hampton Pitched And Didn't Injure Himself

Do my eyes deceive me?

The AJC reported that Mike "I'm Made of Paper" Hampton threw five scoreless innings in Myrtle Beach on Saturday night...and his body is still in tact! Woot!

Hampton's been workin' that pec muscle for, like, yeeeears now. Dayum, he coulda had every muscle in his body replaced and still been back in the rotation by now! I digress...

Hampton will also join Jeff Francoeur and Matt Diaz in Jacksonville to pitch for AA Mississippi on Thursday.

Family Bravos reunion!

I hope those Mississippi Braves fans are enjoyin' themselves down there. They get to see these hos play for, like, $8 or something. All those folks at Turner Field have had to pay out the nose to see Frenchy stink it up lately.

(Photo by Mississippi Braves. Dayum! Thank you, Mississippi Braves. Thank you.)

Oh, and in 8 ABs, Frenchy is hitting .375 with 3 H, 2 R, 1 RBI, 1BB & 1 SO.

Poor Matty's hittin' only .143 in 7 ABs with 1 H, 1 R, 1 BB, 1 SO & 1 SB. Yesssss! A stolen base! Me thinks that gimpy knee is feelin' better.

Let's remember Frenchy & Matty in happier times:




(Perhaps not such a happy time for Matty...)

See Ya In A Coupla Weeks

(photo: Brant Sanderlin/AJC)

Look, even Chino Cadahia's sickened in the photo above.

As I'm sure you've heard, my struggling Atlanta Braves sent struggling Jeff Francoeur down to the minors today and called up Jason Perry to replace the star in right field.

This is one of the best moves the Braves have made all year, in my opinion.

But opinions are like assholes...

I've read blogs where folks are saying they're "so sad" by the move; they really feel bad for Frenchy. Wah, wah, wah.

I read a story today where Jeff was quoted as saying "This has really put a damper on my relationship with the Atlanta Braves."

Umm, you can't tell me you were the ONLY person who didn't see this comin', Jeffrey! So how could this possibly hurt your relationship with the ballclub? We've been told time after time that "baseball is a business". As much as it sucks, it's the troof!

The story went on as such: 'I love playing for the city. I love playing for the fans and always have,' said Francoeur, who grew up in Gwinnett County. 'But I'm disappointed with the decision and how the whole process went down.'

He has lived a mostly charmed baseball life since he arrived from Mississippi three years ago — hitting a three-run home run in his major-league debut July 7, 2005, and making the cover of Sports Illustrated later that season, but his struggles this season led to his demotion.

However, Francoeur said he thought he might have been warned ahead of time what the team was considering. He said Thursday's conversation — which lasted maybe five minutes — came as a surprise to him after playing nearly every day for three seasons."

What kind of warning do you need?? Shouldn't your numbers speak loudly enough as a warning? It's not like a .234 BA sneaked up on yo' ass!

Pardon me, but if Cal "Iron Man" Ripken had a BA of .234 after 2,000 games, his ass wouldn't've started game #2,001, so don't gimme that crap, Jeffrey Brandon.

(Dave O'Brien of the AJC listed Jeff's 2008 season stats and it ain't pretty.)

And let's just set the record straight: the Braves let Frenchy make the choice of where he wanted to go. Richmond vs. Mississippi (AAA vs. AA). And he said he wanted to go to Mississippi, which is where his former hitting coach is located.

Not many teams would give a player an option -- they'd just *tell* you where you were goin'.

And that former hitting coach is none other than Phillip Wellman. You 'member him, right? If not, watch the clip below.



I'll close by saying that I wish Frenchy nothing but the best. He *is* an Atlanta Brave and I know his fans and teammates can't wait for him to return home...

...with a better knowledge of the strike zone.

..............................................................................................................

And btw, Perry was 1-4 with an RBI tonight. heehee

Are The Atlanta Braves Worthy Of My Affection?

I've asked myself this question numerous times over the past 20 or so years. Even at the pinnacle of the Braves' success in the 90s, at some point in every season, this team pisses me off.

Yes, we've endured heartbreak as fans of this team, but I get the feelin' this 2008 season will do us all in. This team will be the death of me.

I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I don't really even want to watch them anymore this season. I'm sick of all the bullshit:

• Will Mark Teixeira stay or go at the end of the season?
  
• Should Jeff Francoeur be benched for a while?
  
• Is Kelly Johnson a true lead-off hitter?
  
• Is Yunel Escobar a true lead-off hitter?
  
• Will we get a slugging outfielder to help with our hitting woes?
  
• Do we need a couple more (reliable) arms in the bullpen?
  
• Will we acquire another (reliable, established) starter for our rotation?
  
• Why is it that this team can't play good, sound, fundamental baseball?
  
• How many more years will pass before Mike Hampton pitches again?
  
• Was Mark Kotsay a mistake? (Although, Joey Devine - the player we traded to Oakland for Kotsay - has been on the DL since the end of May so he ain't exactly helpin' his team either.)
  
• Does Bobby Cox need to hang it up? Is he senile? Why oh why does he make the decisions that he makes?
  
• Why the hell is Blaine Boyer in the majors? Moreso, why the hell is he on my team?
  
• How many games out of first place will we be come September 1?
  
• How many games under .500 will we be come September 1?

I think I summed up my love for the Braves in my first blog post ever. But now I'm not really feelin' 'em. I'm tired of gettin' beat down night after night.

They need to light a fire under their asses. All of 'em! The one time (all season) that I've seen life on the field was on June 18 when the gorgeous & talented Mike Gonzalez came out with guns a'blazin' and got his first save in over a year. He was on FIRE! He was pumped! It was great...



But the rest of this team plays like shit. It's like they're all in a coma.

Oh, and I'm pretty convinced that June 18 was the last time the Braves won a game. (sarcasm)

So I think I'd have more fun gettin' my choch Brazilian waxed than watchin' these hos get swept by the Phillies. Sigh.

Shit, who'm'I kiddin'? I'll be watchin' tonight. It's that whole abusive boyfriend thing...I love him as much as I hate him.

Somethin' In The Milk Ain't Clean

I don't mean to beat a dead horse. Or even this little horsey. But sum'in ain't right with Jeff Francoeur.

In his last 9 games, his average has dropped a good 10 points. He's hackin' at everything. Even more than usual. When was the last time you saw him take the first 2 pitches? Seriously.

Francoeur was only hitting .222 coming into tonight's game with the Milwaukee Brewers. He is also hitting .226 (19-for-84) with runners in scoring position this season, and has just two hits in 18 at-bats with the bases loaded.

He gets an opportunity to pinch hit (in the rare occasion that he doesn't start) and he finds a way to make an out....very quickly, I might add.

And we won't even TALK about the number of times he's GIDP this month. Sheesh!

You want the big bucks, Frenchy, you gotta prove you're worth it. I know everyone wants to be so soft on him 'cause he's the HomeGrown, but that shit don't cut it with me. It's time to get tough, Little Man.



Bein' the "hometown cutie pie" can only get ya so far...if you want the big contract, if you wanna hang with the big boys, you gotta prove you can (consistently) hit above .260. Or, hell, even .250!

That said, he *did* get fitted for a contact lens today, so hopefully that will help some.

Helen Keller would have a higher BA than he does this season.

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!!

Back from 2 FAN-TAB-U-LUSS weeks in Florida where I gladly let the sun trespass where I won't even let The Hubster. Just what I needed...relaxation, baseball & beer.

As I told ya before I left, I wasn't gonna have internet access at the resort so I couldn't blog, check email or visit my fave porn sites (kidding!) while away. Doesn't look like I've missed much since I've been gone.

I did take in a much-anticipated Braves/Tigers spring training game on March 20. My brother-in-law & I are Bravos fans, The Hubster & The Spawn are Tigers fans and my dad & sis are Cubbies fans (too bad, so sad). It was great seein' Harp (bro-in-law) smilin' all night, just excited to be there.

Good news: The Braves pulled out the victory in the bottom of the 9th inning.

Bad news: I didn't see a Got Dayum Braves run score!!!!

Chipper Jones homered in the 4th to tie the game 1-1. And where was I? In the terrlit.

The Tigers went up 2-1 in the top of the last frame. Come the bottom of the inning, I was ready to leave (disgusted by the impending loss) and I had to go to the terrlit again.

As we're leavin' the stadium, we hear the fans goin' nuts!

Yep, the Braves won it on a Josh Anderson 2-run single. Mo fos!

But I still had a great time. Here are a few photos as proof that I was there. Well, I'm not in any of 'em, but you get the idea, since we're so far away that the images are grainy.

(Chipper in the box & Pudge behind the plate)

(Tex in the box & Pudge behind the plate)

(Huddy on the mound)

(Frenchie comin' up!)

Is The Writers Strike Almost Over?

Word on the street is that the writers strike is about to come to an end -- an agreement could be reached as early as this week.

Hallelujah, holla back!

(Chris Pizzello / Reuters)

I do love me some reality TV, but Vh1 is gettin' outta hand, people. I mean, does the world really need Flavor of Love 3? How old is Flav anyway? Dude's gotta be pushin' 78.

Seems like Vh1 only features memaws & pepaws on its shows...haggard, washed-up musicians & actors.

You've got yer Brett Michaels (Rock of Love 1 & 2), the aforementioned Flavor Flav (Flavor of Love 1, 2 & 3), Celebrity Rehab and its myriad of messy has-beens, Surreal Life 1-57, Christopher Knight & Adrienne Curry (My Fair Brady, wedding, baby, blah blah blah), The Salt & Pepa Show (although I love those bad bitches!), Scott Baio is 122 and has 30 greatgrandkids, Hogan Knows Best (but he didn't know enough to teach his effin' kid how *not* to drive!).

I've enjoyed the "fresh" shows I've seen on Vh1 of late -- The Shot, America's Most Smartest Model, The Agency, yada yada.

But I'm ready to get on with the *good* shows already! I'm over reality tv. I need my Pushing Daisies (I cannot hide my luuuuurve for the Pie Maker. Oh how I miss seeing his lovely face on my TV screen.....sigh.), Grey's Anatomy, Brothers & Sisters, Private Practice, Desperate Housewives.

So please, studios & writers, please please please ink a deal so Flavor Flav will release his grip on our lives!! Puh-leeeeez!!!!???

Oh, and only 56 days til the first Braves game of the '08 season!!! And 57 days til the Bravos' home opener.

BTW, did I mention that I'm goin' to a spring training game whilst in Florida next month? Yea, I'm gonna flash Frenchie the girls during pre-game warmups.

This is how he'll celebrate after seein' MoonKween's goodies:

:)

The Gays Love 'Em Some Frenchie!

Elton John loves the Atlanta Braves! Who knew?



Sir Elton recently had a tete-e-tete with Braves GM John Schuerholz, HOF pitcher Phil Neikro and ex-2B Mark Lemke about all the naughty things he wants to do to Jeff Francoeur. I kid.

Oh sorry, that's me that wants to do all those naughty things to Frenchie....I digress.

He had this to say about baseball:

"In a way, it's very poetic. I watched it and I fell in love with the game, and I learned how it worked, and I loved it and the Braves became my team.

I watch baseball whenever I am on the road, whether it's the Braves or whether it's someone else. For me, it's a huge relaxation and, like cricket, one of the most poetic things you can do is watch a game of baseball."

Homegirl obviously ain't watchin' the Braves play in September. That shit ain't poetic, it's aggravatin' as hell!

Still, I'm glad to see he's a fan of my fave team. I never knew I had so much in common with Pee Paw...

C'mon Bitches!

Alright people, time to get it together. Put'cher big girl panties on and rock the shit outta the Reds tonight. I'm sick of all this inconsistency -- we can't seem to get on a roll. Almost every aspect of the team is lackluster: offense (with the exception of occasional spurts of Big Bat Syndrome), defense, starting pitchin' (with the exception of Smoltz/Hudson), bullpen (bp SUCKS!)....hell, even our attitudes & confidence are anemic! Pretty sure I've mentioned this somewhere before....oh yea.

Right now we're 5.5 games behind the Mets and 5 behind the Phillies. We've GOT to gain some ground on those teams during this 4-game series in Cincy. Then it's off to St. Louis & Florida....we gotta DO somethin'!

C'mon Bravos! Prove to me that you're a playoff team!

And just for sheer manjoyment, I present you Jeff Francoeur (a.k.a. my future second husband):

Virgin Post

I finally bit the bullet and created a blog, at the request of almost everyone that knows me. I love to write (and I'm a total smartass) so all of my friends have been wonderin' when I was gonna take my show on the road...well, here it is, folks!

And now that the Kastle has been created, I suddenly feel like I've been put on the spot. Instantly I'm under pressure to say somethin' funny, cute, scathing, evil...and I'm a total blank. I'm 4 sentences in and I have writer's block.

Well, I can always write somethin' about my Atlanta Braves. If ya don't know, I'm a huge Bravos fan and have been for years. Many, many gut-wrenching years. Division winners 14 years straight with only 1 World Series title to show for it. Yea, I know, in the eyes of Braves-haters, ATL is the Big Momma of post-season chokers -- we fans have heard it all, ad nauseum (Mets fans are the absolute worst!).

I have an unhealthy relationship with my team. It's like livin' with an abusive boyfriend -- one game day it's euphoria, good times, celebration, jubilation, sweet lovin'; the next game day I'm gettin' bitch-slapped hither & yon. Take tonight's game for instance -- punch to the gut. Or, this game -- backhand to the chops. Or, this game -- roundhouse kick where the sun don't shine (by far one of the most crushing blows of the season for me). And don't get me started on this game. I won't go on...we'll be here for days.

Why do I stay with my abusive boyfriend also known as the Atlanta Braves? I love him. And I'm doin' it for the kids.