R.I.P. Romeo #1

Peacocks, gambits & jewelry, oh my!

OK, so my latest obsession is The Pickup Artist (see below). Really can't say *why* it's my new fave show, but I loves it! After the season premier last Monday, I waited (im)patiently for 6 days & 23 hours. Last night's episode didn't disappoint!

The 8 loverboys got makeovers to match their "avatars" -- their new self-created personas. Piercings, skin-tight pants & blue hair were among the most drastic changes made by the fellas. Oh, and Alvaro changed his name to "Kosmo". Whatever.

The challenge: make the biggest change to your appearance, bring out the peacock in yourself, and you'll win a woman. A woman named "Tara" or some shit. She would help the winner practice his dumb pickup lines and tell him what he's doin' wrong. Mystery & his cronies, J. Dog & Matador, had the dubious task of selecting the dude they would be most willin' to let roll with 'em.

Anyhoobs, Spoon was the big "winner" -- or "loser", depending on how you look at it.

So the kids had to practice using gay-ass "gambits" to "open a set" at a club. Basically, a "gambit" is a conversation starter and a "set" is considered a group of 2 or more peeps (damn, who comes up with these terms?). So dudes have to walk up to the set, spit the lines and try not to get beat down. One of the gambits being: "Do you floss before or after you brush your teeth?".......huh? If dude said that to me at a bar, I'd knock him out & take his drink.

The kids then get let loose in the bar to try out these lines. Joe D. (the lovable, hairy, wonky-eyed dough boy) won immunity by doing the best job of opening sets. The kicker was that, as the immunity winner, he had to select 2 of his housemates to be his "wing men" which also saved them from being eliminated. Joe D. chose the newly-platinum-blonde-avatar Brady and the screw-these-dumb-ass-pickup-lines,-instead-I'm-gonna-try-breakdancing-in-the-bar-to-open-a-set Kosmo as his wing men.

Then Mystery broke out the JEWELS! I'm not talkin' diamonds & platinum jewels, I'm talkin' medallions & shit! Man-necklaces.....man-laces! Yea, get this: for every "level" that these tools successfully pass, they get a medallion that has some sort of Pickup Artist heiroglyphics on it. The first man-lace was supposed to symbolize "rebirth" or some crap -- I don't know, I wasn't listenin'. I was too busy lookin' at the cheap-ass Joan Rivers enamelling on it. Fug!

So Joe D., Kosmo & Brady get their man-laces and exit stage left.

The remaining 5 on the chopping block were: I'm-trying-to-look-15-instead-of-45-years-old-Nerds-Gone-Wild Fred; women-think-I'm-gay-so-I'm-going-to-have-chunks-of-flesh-stabbed-out-of-my-ears-to-show-them-how-manly-tough-I-really-am Joe W.; I'm-so-socially-inept-I-really-don't-think-there's-hope-for-me-in-this-game/Bill-Gates-wanna-be Scott; My-phobia-of-talking-to-women-is-so-paralyzing-that-I-cry-at-every-challenge-where-I-have-to-talk-to-women Spoon; and I'd-rather-walk-into-a-bar-and-start-talking-to-the-first-group-of-men-I-see Pradeep (hmmm...maybe he should be on a different show. M'just sayin....).

After Scott, Joe A. & Pradeep all get their man-laces and leave, it's just Spoon and Fred left on the sectional sofa. Mystery says some stuff, cut to dramatic shots of Spoon, Fred, J. Dog, Matador and Mystery, then The Spoon Man dropped the biggest surprise of the night (with the exception of Pradeep actually approaching women at the bar earlier in the evenin') when he raises his hand to volunteer gettin' the boot. He was such a nice guy that he took himself out of the Master Pickup Artist competition so that Fred could have the fuggy-fug medallion. UGH!

I'm just glad Joe A., Joe D., Brady or Kosmo didn't get the heave ho! I love those bitches!

Next week, there's supposed to be some dramz goin' down, and creative VH1 preview editing has it lookin' like Pradeep is at the center of it all. I guess homegirl starts backstabbin' people & shit.

LOVEZ!






<----- Spoon doin' his best Sean Lennon impersonation.