My only 3 fans have emailed me wantin' more, more, more. Just like little newborns who want to suckle every half hour. Dayum! I'm doin' the best I can!
Between the realization that my Braves are the worst team in baseball (65 wins as of today, so pretty much true) and back-to-school craziness, and work, and soccer and every other parental stressor, I've been MIA. For that, I apologize to you faithful fans. Both of you.
I can honestly say that I haven't watched an entire Braves game in about 2 months (it's bad, folks) but the fantasy football bug has sure as hell bit the shit outta me.
Last year I had 1 team -- this year I have 11. Obsess much?
Needless to say, I can't give you the blow-by-blow on every player that I own, but let's just say that after week one, it ain't lookin' too pretty.
I did have a few wins last week, but I don't think I even have a .500 record between all those teams of mine. Sad, sad.
LaDainian Tomlinson was a let-down. Willis McGahee = nothin'. Chester The Molester Taylor was pitiful. Kellen Winslow, Santonio Holmes, terrible, terrible.
I'm lookin' forward to my match-up this week with my private league's commish. She talks a lotta shit 'cause she's got Romolicious, but I'm rollin' the dice with Jay Cutler this time around. Screw Eli Manning!!
I have no idea who that bitch is, but I did an image search for fantasy football and there she was. You're welcome, Marky Mark. I'm sure she has a great personality, is really smart, and knows a lot about football. Mmm-hmm. I'm convinced of it.
Anyboobs, if you're managing fantasy teams this year, good luck, bitches!!
Reports are circulating that the Red Sox, Marlins & Pirates are working on a 3-way "blockbuster" trade that would land Manny Ramirez in Miami (for 2 months), Jeremy Hermida in Pittsburgh and Jason Bay in Boston.
Florida's Josh Willingham may also get shifted, but nothing's confirmed.
What a strange twist of fate for Manny Being Mouthy. He would go from perennial sell-out Fenway Park with an annual average attendance of 36,000+ to Dolphin Stadium where the average 2008 attendance is less than half that -- 15,463.
Granted, having the 2-month rental of this dingleberry would probably greatly improve attendance for the Marlins, thus skewing attendance results for eternity. But the Fish *are* involved in a pennant race, so one would hope that fans would head out to support their hometown team.
The Marlins are only 1.5 games out of first place with a big Philly series opening on Aug. 5 and the Mets 3 days later.
Lots o' baseball left, lambs. Anything can happen!
(photo: Steve Mitchell, US Presswire)
It's now old news that Mark Teixeira was traded by the Atlanta Braves to the Los Angeles California Anaheim Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim for 1B Casey Kotchman & P Stephen Marek.
Can't say I'm thrilled about it, but I also wasn't happy when Edgar Renteria was signed a coupla years ago. He eventually became one of "my boys" and I was sad to see him leave.
It takes me a while to warm up to new players on my team. What can I say, I'm a bitch. (hush yer mouth)
I'm really gonna miss Tex's switch hitting skills -- and his glove! Homegirl's defense is sick! Gonna be hard to replace that aspect of his game.
Tex was quoted as saying, "I thought I'd be here (in Atlanta) the rest of my career."
I call bullshit.
I understand his ties to the area, but he knew comin' here last July that Frankie Wren & Co. was never gonna pay him the kinda dollaz that Scott Boras demands. We don't have bottomless pockets like the Red Sox, the Yankees, yaddy yaddy. Tex seems like a great guy, but there's somethin' to be said about havin' a ruthless snake of an agent like Borass!
Now, on to the annihilation of the "2008 Season of Shoulda Coulda Wouldas":
Prior to Tex packin' his bags, the Braves packed its season, jumped in the terrlit and flushed.
I was so nervous about the weekend series with the Phillies that I couldn't even blog about it beforehand. Friday's game had me feelin' hopeful, but, again, I couldn't blog it. I just couldn't jinx us.
Turns out, they didn't need my help...
Saturday's debacle was excruciating. The oh-so-hyped resurrection of Mike "I'm Made of Paper" Hampton, the 6-run lead, the coming-alive of our flaccid offense...things were lookin' good!
But, what happened? Oh yea, Royce Ring & Blaine Boyer happened. (Yes, I know they weren't the *only* players at fault, but I'm blamin' 'em 'cause I can't stand 'em!)
If we thought Saturday was rough, we had no idea what was in store for us mere hours later...
Sunday brought torrential downpours and another horrid freak show of bullpen prowess (eye roll). The pitching *again* managed to blow a huge lead and we bit it. Hard.
We soooo needed to (at least) take 2-3 from the Phils. Or sweep! But there's no fire in this team. Finally manage to score a shit-load of runs in a series and still hand it over to the opposition. Pretty sure the Phils and their fans are laughin' at us. Oh, and Mets and their fans, too.
Monday saw the St. Louis Cardinals fly into town for a 4-game set, and the Cards brought a coupla ass whoopin's with 'em.
What I thought was funny about last night's game was the fact that Ryan Ray Franklin got the win for Saint Loo-ee. Believe it or not, I dated dude waaaaaaay back in the day! HA! Crazy, huh?! I digress...
So as it stands now, the Braves are 49-57, 8.5 games behind the Mets.
Chipper Jones, Tim Hudson, John Smoltz, Manny Acosta, Pete Moylan, Tom Glavine & Matt Diaz are all on the shelf and Brian McCann's melon is busted so he's outta the lineup, too!
Sigh.......It's been one helluva season, ladies. One helluva season.
Thankfully, Jair Jurrjens takes to the hill tonight. JJ's one of only a few bright spots starring in this tragic comedy.
And one final note: MoonKween's '08-'09 fantasy football draft is Aug. 15!! WOOT!!
Let's take a walk down memory lane to last year's crappy season, shall we?
I think my ears are still bleedin' & screamin' for mercy.
I just wasted 3.5 hours of my life -- 3.5 hours that I'll never get back -- listening to the Braves lose to the Phillies in the most heinous fashion: by blowing a 6-run lead and ultimately leaving 8 runners on base.
What I can't figure out is this: Why the F*CK is Blaine Boyer on this team?!?! Why is he & his shiteous 2-6 record wasting space in the majors? Pitiful excuse for a major league pitcher.
The Braves scored 9 runs in the 4th inning and went up 9-3...what happens the following inning? What else -- their pitchers implode and give up 7 runs. Phils win 10-9.
Un.Fucking.Believable.
Sickening. Vomitous. Abominable. Horrid. Repulsive. Dreadful. Loathsome.
I could go on, but you get my point.
Mike Hampton made is first start in 3 years and he took his lumps, sure. But the Braves could've pulled out the win if it weren't for the Braves embarrassing bullpen.
Bobby Cox shoulda just stayed with Hampton and let him work his way out of the bases-loaded-no-out situation in the 5th. I'm sure he coulda done a better job than Royce Ring & Boyer.
By the way, Royce Ring & Blaine Boyer -- get new names! The alliteration ain't cute, it's annoying! Ugh! I digress....
Aside from blowin' that honkin' lead, the Braves had innings 5-9 in which they couldn't push across one runner on base!
I've said several times this season that I don't think the Braves are worth my time. Why do I continue to punish myself by following these losers? They reinvent ways to hand over victories. Seriously. I'm startin' to think they're gettin' paid to *not* win.
If the Braves haven't had a closed door meeting recently, they need one, STAT! I'm pretty sure some asses need to be kicked after today's game...and some asses need to be kicked off this team! Fer realz.
I saw this commercial for the first time tonight and automatically thought about The Spawn -- whom I miss so much it hurts.
Yes, I may have a heart of cold, black ice but I'm still a Momma, dammit. Don't judge!
The Spawn's on the west coast with the g'parents for a 10-day vacation and I'm missin' him like the Braves miss October baseball. For realz.
*sniff, sniff*
I haven't been separated from The Spawn for this long since he was a wee tot and he went back home with Nana to visit the fam down south while I stayed up in The Great White North. *blubber, blubber*
But he'll be home in a few days (YAY!) and I'll totally get on his nerves with my huggin' & kissin' & fawnin'...he'll be ready to hit L.A. again.
He'll be callin' up BritBrit to ask if he can move in with her so he can be ignored by a mother and devoid of any attention or affection.
Just him, some chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts, Diet Dr. Pepper & his Nintendo DS.
Hey, he likes what he likes...
After a *ahem* hairy 9th inning, the ever so gorgeous & talented Mike Gonzalez was able to notch his 34th consecutive save Friday night by getting Austin Kearns to fly out to, who else, Mr. Snoozefest himself, Jeff Francoeur. (Sorry, dude's puttin' me in a coma these days...)
Whew. The disgusting Mets (finally) lost tonight but the Phillies won. Boo! Hiss!
