Homegirl Said *What*?

What the hell is newly-appointed New York Mets skipper Jerry Manuel talkin' about?! I don't even think *he* knows.



The New York Post reports: "Asked how the struggling (Aaron) Heilman was holding up under constant booing at Shea this year, Manuel said, 'It's very, very fertile ground for growth in Shea Stadium. It's fertile ground for a team's growth and development. Sometimes, fertile ground has fertilizer.' ...'Fertilizer is a good thing,' Manuel said before the Mets' afternoon contest against the (Colorado) Rockies. 'It's a good thing. You get the greatest results — get the most beautiful plants — when you put it in that type of fertile soil. That's what we have the opportunity to do.'

Manuel, who will make his first appearance at Shea Stadium as manager of the Mets Monday against (the) Seattle (Mariners), pleaded with reporters before and after the fertilizer reference not to blow it out of proportion or do 'something crazy with this'."

You are crazy, Jer-Bear! And it gets better, folks.

"Shortstop Jose Reyes was the target of Manuel's first colorful outburst this week. After Reyes threw a helmet-throwing tantrum last Tuesday night in Manuel's debut when Manuel pulled him in the first inning with a tight hamstring, Manuel jokingly threatened to knife Reyes if it happened again.

'I told him the next time he does that, I'm going to get my blade out and cut him right on the field,' Manuel said. 'I'm a gangster.' ... 'She acted up with me, and she had a day off,' Manuel said of Reyes."


(well, she *is* kinda pretty...m'just sayin')

Umm, sounds like pepaw needs some warm Ovaltine and a long nap.

He needs to keep his pie-hole shut and spend more energy tryin' to figure out what he's gonna do with this .500 ballclub. Incidentally, the wacky Manuel is 3-2 since taking over for the disgraced Willie Randolph on June 17.

IMO, it's the Mets front office that's the disgrace, but that's neither here nor there. They didn't consult me before they made the decision to give ol' Willie the heave-ho.

Larry Birkhead Is A Freak

Larry Birkhead, Anna Nicole Smith's baby-daddy, purchased lingerie items previously worn by crackie in Playboy spreads.

The pink bustier and white negligee went for a total of $2,800 at a celebrity auction held at Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip yesterday.

According to the AP: "Birkhead said he is trying to make sure his 1-year-old daughter, Dannielynn, has something to remember her mother by.

"I have a lot of history I have to put together that she doesn't really know about," Birkhead told The Associated Press. "Playboy was such a big part of Anna's career."

By history he means lies & fabrications about most aspects of big momma's life.

Um, OK. So if he's lookin' to dig up 'memories' of crackie, why not just show Dannielynn the Playboy pics?? Explain to baby girl that mommy used to take her clothes off and woller around in front of the camera for money.

See, he coulda saved himself almost $3,000 if he'd just done what I suggested...

Weirdo!

Huh?!

We got bitch-slapped by the Mariners tonight.

The Seattle. Fuckin'. Mariners.

The 26-47 Mariners.

Un-fuckin'-believable!


And Campy seemed to be doin' so well in the early innings!




I have no words.


Ugh!!!!

God, I Miss The South

I was born & raised in the south. I *heart* the south.

I miss the south like Prince Fielder misses his tax payments.

I'm here to tell ya, southeners not only have the gift of gab, but they also have a way with words.

My case in point, these ever so eloquent fans discussing Atlanta Braves baseball on the AJC message boards:

"Don’t get me started on Tex. How come no one on this team is taking a cue from Chipper at the plate? These guys are getting the same pitches to hit and they are whiffing on them. Professional baseball players my left butt cheek! They play worse than the whole UGA College Baseball Team!"

"Delighted to see JoJo continue to grow as a major league pitcher and the return of Mike. Sorry to continue to beat a dead horse but Francoeur sucks. Maybe touching himself so often puts him in a lull. Didn’t his folks teach him that a boy doesn’t do that in public?"

"Gonzo is the first Brave I have seen this year with the “Closer Mentality”. EVERY other Brave pitcher’s butthole drawed up if they walked to the mound in a close situation."

A big thank you goes out to these mo fo's for giving me the biggest fuckin' laugh I've had in a long time! Yes, I live a sad, serious life. Don't judge.

'Butthole drawed up"....someone's MeMe needs to wash his mouth out with soap!

They still do that in the south, bitches!

Ain't that right, MeMe?

And to drive home my point even further, let's revisit classics from Julia & Suzanne Sugarbaker:

Pay Yo' Bills!

(most awesomest photo. ever - The Onion)

Seems as though The Petite One, Prince Fielder, owes the tax man some moolah. To the tune of $409,149.14! (Sidebar 1: why 149? Why not just round it up to $409,150? And what the hell is the 14 cents for? What costs $.14 in this day & age of the Big Oil/George W. Bush? 14 pennies don't even cost 14 cents anymore!)

Did he learn nothing from his daddy? Manage. Your. Affairs, people!

Story goes, Prince's "Big Daddy" Cecil was embroiled in an ugly lawsuit filed by Trump Plaza Hotel and Casinos seven or eight years ago. Allegations were that Pops Fielder had lost upwards of $580,000 in 1999 (in 2 days, natch) and failed to pay off his debt in full.

He was consequently sued by TPH&C for $563,359 and lost. (Sidebar 2: again, why 359? Why not round up to 360? Like, what was it that had cost those extra pesky 9 bucks?!)

And something else that always bugs me: Why would you sue someone for money when you know they ain't got it? It's like the ISF (insufficient funds) fees charged by banks & such...why charge an extra $25 for a returned check when you KNOW Mr. ISF ain't got $25?! That's why ho's check bounced to begin with! Dayum!

I digress...

Prince signed a 1-year deal for the 2008 season worth $670,000. Well, there ya go. Have the Milwaukee Brewers make out Prince's paychecks to the IRS and Prince can just eat beans & weenies all year.

Perfect. Problem solved.

If You Care...

According to unnamed "sources" close to the Boston Red Sox, the lover's quarrel in the dugout between Manny Ramirez and Kevin Youkilis on Thursday night was due to this:

"It all happened because Manny complained about Youkilis' habit of throwing bats, helmets and other objects in the dugout when he has a bad at-bat, something that has become a constant practice," the source said.

"Other players have told Youkilis in the past about the situation, which makes him look selfish and that he is more worried about each at-bat than about the team. If Boston is winning easily, there's no reason to throw objects all over the dugout because of a bad at-bat.

"There was a meeting where the team let Youkilis know that many of his teammates were tired of his explosive reactions for each bad plate appearance. It became very bothersome … more so when the team is winning and it's in first place. There's not much room for individualistic attitudes."

So Youk is a whiney baby? That's it? That's why you took a swipe at your teammate, Manny? Seriously? Whatever.

I'm sayin', if Youk wants to throw bats, throw bases or throw babies, he should be able to do that without anybody else buttin' in. Well, maybe not that throwin' babies thing, but you get the picture...

For Gawd's sake, Manny goes through the left-field wall at Fenway Park and uses the bathroom between innings. He high-5s the outfield fans at visiting ballparks. He skips team meetings. He demands to be traded. He threatens to hold out on his contract negotiations. He falls alseep on the job. He's basically the biggest "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!" whore on that whole damn club, and he's got the balls to yell at Youkilis for bein' "individualistic" by throwin' helmets?

Laughable.

Why am I still writin' about this twat?

Manny-Youkilis Squabble

What is goin' *on* with these ladies!?!?

The Boston Red Sox are duking it out with the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays. They're duking it out with each other. Hell, even the Sox announcers are throwin' 'bows!

Can't we all get along?



The full story of what brought about the fisticuffs between Manny Ramirez and Kevin Youkilis has yet to be aired, but these girls all need to learn to keep their damn hands to themselves.

So is this latest scuffle "Manny Being Manny" or is he just bein' a bitch?

Just Kids Havin' Fun

Cougars 4 Cook

Ok, so I didn't vote for David "Hot Lips" Cook 473 times after last Tuesday's American Idol finale -- in fact, I never voted once this year...for anybody -- and I'm not a 40-something suburban soccer-mom, but it's obvious now that Fly Honey's fan base wasn't of the 15-year-old female persuasion.



"Cougars 4 Cook" had my future ex-husband's voting line on speed-dial, propelling him to victory by 12+ million votes over David "Zygote" Archuleta.


The AP writes: "Maybe it's his edgy-yet-mainstream appeal, sly grin, sparkling hazel eyes, facial scruff, love for crossword puzzles, love for his mom and brothers. Or perhaps it's the way he broke down in tears after his final performance..."


See, I'm not the only wrinkled old bag who's hot for his jock and his crossword puzzles.


He's just got that...thang about him. Ya know, that thang!


But it kinda makes me wonder, where were all the Cougars when Chris Daughtry got the boot a few years ago? Wasn't he supposed to be, like, *the* hottest? Don't get me wrong, Daughtry's done pretty damn well for himself since Idol, but I was kinda surprised that he didn't go further in the competition.


Oh well. I guess the Cougars just know what they like. And they luuurve Hot Lips.


Sigh.......Idol's over. Survivor's over. Grey's Anatomy's over. Brothers & Sisters is over.


If it weren't for baseball season to get me through the next four months, I would need therapy. Television therapy.


Side note: As of Memorial Day 2008, the Atlanta Braves are 27-23 & 2.5 games out of 1st.

David Cook Is Sensitive