If this actually happens at Super Bowl XLII (Feb. 3), I will denounce the sport forever!
PageSix.com is reportin' that Paula Abdul WILL perform during the half-time show. Holy Mary Mother of God.
And that's not even the worst part of the story. Megan Lynn posts that "Fox will have Ryan Seacrest host the event, interviewing celeb sport fans on a "red carpet," before Paula takes the stage."
Have mercy on my soul.
First of all, football is a manly sport. Fat, sweaty behemoths hittin', kickin' & cussin' one another. And that's just in the stands.
There is no room (I repeat, NO ROOM) for Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat at the fuckin' Super Bowl! What the hell would this mess sing?! Bitch ain't had a hit record since 1912 or some shit.
Reportedly, she'll be joined by Randy "Welcome To the Dawg Pound, That Was Hot!" Jackson for a rendition of "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow".
If I have to watch that shit, there *will* be no tomorrow for me.
$20 she warbles "Rush, Rush"!! Now THAT's a half-time show, bitches!!!!!
Monday, January 14, 2008
Lie To Me! PLEASE PageSix, Lie To Me!
Thanks For The Memories
Arkansas Razorback star running-back, and consecutive two-time Heisman Trophy runner-up, Darren McFadden announced today that he won't return to UofA for his senior year: he's entering the NFL draft, bitches!
Aw, mannnn! I figured he'd enter the draft but the confirmation is still sad to hear :-(
Dang! I'm convinced he woulda won the trophy next year! Oh well, on to bigger & better things. And by bigger & better I mean the shittiest team in the league... The Dolphins should have the first pick in the draft so it's likely he'll be wearin' that retina-searing, shiteous teal & orange.
And with Felix Jones also thumbin' his nose at the Razorbacks to enter the draft, what the hell's this team gonna be like next year? It's bad enough the Hogs haven't had a passing game in *years*! With Jones & DMc gone, it's gonna look like Fayetteville High School's playin' at Razorback Stadium!
Oh well, all good things must come to an end, right? Shit!
No Visitation For Mommy Dearest
At least until after the next scheduled hearing slated for Feb. 19.
You know that psycho won't show up for that one either. When will the courts finally wise up and quit givin' that bitch any more chances? Lock her up & throw away the key!
Oh wait, scratch that. I need Brit news 24/7 and I can't get that if she's gettin' special celebrity treatment rottin' away in the clink.
I Need A Life...
In a bad way.
Yes, I'm actually sittin' here watchin' TMZ's live video stream outside the courthouse in L.A.
This freak has been on camera for about 20 minutes now.
I'm watchin' because K-Fed's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, is supposed to address the media soon. I *thought* he was gonna give some big speech about 20 minutes ago but instead I'm stuck sittin' here watchin' Pepe Le Pew wearin' a fuckin' Barbie house on his damn head!
All the dramz went down today with Brit's custody hearing. K-Dad showed up on time, as did the emergency medical workers who responded to her crazy-filled house Jan. 3 (they had to testify).
Miz Spears herself was supposed to appear and testify (at the advisement of her lawyers) but she showed up about 4 hours late, made a poor attempt to enter the courthouse, was "scared" by the paps (riiiiight) and left about 20 minutes later.
She proceeded to go to a church, sit down for a few minutes, leave again, and then go to lunch. What a fuckin' whack-job.
Where are the men in white jumpsuits with the butterfly nets?! They need to swoop in, abduct her ass like an alien spaceship and ship her off to Timbuktu!
Oh who'm I kiddin'? What would my life be without this hillbilly in it!?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Is He Still Alive...?
"Rock of Love 2" premiers tonight (9 EST, Vh1) and I'm still in awe of the women (term used loosely) who sign up for this shit. First of all, it's a reality show. Second of all, it's Bret Freakin' Michaels, aka Fergie.
Is he really a catch? I'm not into long-haired rocker dudes who wear more eye makeup than I do, so I guess I just don't see the appeal. He's so not hot.
Dlisted summed up the new season best in this piece. Eloquent as always, MK!
You know I'm still gonna watch this trash, tho. I've already got my Tivo set!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Sweet Jesus...
The only thing left for this crazy horse to do is walk around L.A. butt-ass nekkid. Nothin' she does surprises me anymore.
So if you find pictures of her at a Citgo stealin' cigarette lighters, or at a Starbucks buyin' fraps, or at a RiteAid gettin' "baby stuff" in her burfday suit, send 'em to me. That'll really raise my eyebrows. But at this point -- I'm shocked she didn't do this sooner.
FinalPixxCeleb.com has pics of BritBrit at a Mercedes dealership yesterday wearin' the dress she wore to her wedding reception when she married K-Fed. Dayum, doesn't that seem like 20 years ago?!?!? Where does the time go...?
Friday, January 11, 2008
He's A Dick, But I Love Him
Project Runway 4's resident screamin' queen, Christian Siriano.
Asians are fierce. He's a hisser. Fierssssssss.
He's such an egomaniac, you can't help but love him. He almost got the bizoot this week, but was saved by Kevin's tragic Wal-Mart prom dress.
Oh, and he's also "ferosh".
Christian 4 Eva! Bitches!
Week of Zzzzzzzzzs
I got my fat ass kicked at work this week so I'm just completely unmotivated to blog about all the fun & games takin' place in Hollyweird.
Christina, Nicole and some other F-listers had chitlins at Cedars in L.A.
Nicole and the Duffster's ex had a baby girl today, Harlow Winter Kate Madden. I can get with Harlow, but Winter Kate Madden?? Like Kate Moss and Steve Madden joined forces to form a clothing line for snowy months. Ick.
No word on Xtina's baby's name or sex (tho the baby, born today, was rumored to be a boy). David Alan Grier (I sho' miss that bitch!) and Courtney Thorne-Smith welcomed bundles Thursday & Friday, respectively. Congrats.
What I don't get is how Nicole popped out that kid and was sent home (with baby) the same day! I thought hos got to live it up in the damn hospital for a day or two?? Oh well, sucks to be you, Nicole. Don't forget to soak that crotch to keep it supple. TRUST!
Anyway, The Smoking Gun has posted the best mug shots of 2008 and some of them were quite chuckle-worthy.
That's the best I can do today. Sorry peeps.
(swear to Gawd, I thought it was Lisa Marie Presley)
(I have no words...)
(somebody shaved in the dark)
(I'm keepin' my mouth shut. Goober could quite possibly be my long-lost relative)
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Are You Kiddin' Me?!?!?!?!?
TMZ is reportin' that Pamela Anderson's sperminated with Rick "Child Toucher Eyes" Salomon's baby.
You 'member him, right?
He's the hubby from whom she filed for divorce a few weeks ago, only to retract the move (to "work things out"), but to start up divorce proceedings again last week.
Shit! I can't keep up with these celebrity whores and their uteri (is that the plural for uterus?)!
She's knocked up and asking Child Toucher Eyes for spousal support but not child support. What the......???
I'm surprised this life-size fun bag has any functional eggs left. She's been rode hard & put away wet for too many years. This story just can't be true.
But if she is with child, I wish her the best for a healthy pregnancy. That chitlin's gonna need all the damn help it can get down the road. But prayers for this spawn should start in the womb.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Sorry Y'all!
Naturally, after 2 straight weeks with the Hubs & the Spawn, Momma needed a night on the town, so I went out with a few of my drinkin' buddies last Friday and acted like a slutty bar ho. Not really, but I wish.
Due to a Series of Unfortch Events (SoUE), I've been feelin' a bit sickly since Saturday (coincidentally, that's the day after Momma's Night Out....more on that below). It's been waaaaay hard to keep my fingers shut & not blog. TRUST!
Wanna hear about my misery (some of it self-inflicted)? Here ya go:
SoUE #1: Because I was out actin' a skank Friday night, I smoked about 6 packs of ciggies and woke up feelin' like shit the next day. Normally I can bounce back from that emphysema-for-a-day feelin' because I'm such a hot bitch, but.........
SoUE #2: Two days later, the 10 inches of snow we had on the ground started meltin'. Remember, this is Michigan. And it's January! Well, as the air heated up and the snow started dwindlin'........
SoUE #3: It created the. worst. fog. ever. and my asthma kicked up. Yes, I have mild asthma and I smoked 6 packs of cancer sticks at the bar. Don't judge. Anyhoobs, after the fog cleared.......
SoUE #4: The nast, moldy ground kicked up my allergies and now I have a head cold. I'm sure my sinuses look like Lindsay's vag after a 3-day visit to Italy.
SoUE #5: I had to pack & move my office (Yes, I have a real job, bitches! Try it!) in a day & a half and have been behind in my affairs. I just can't function knowin' that all of my personal effects are packed away in boxes and I have 80 unanswered emails in my inbox. I'm anal that way. No, not *that* way, that way.
Let me just digress for a minute to tell you that I'M SOOO IN A BAND NOW! I got to play in the bar band Friday night, and you'll be soooooo shellus (that's "jealous" but with a French accent or some shit. I say it all the time) when you hear what instruments they let me play. No, not the skin flute, *actual* instruments.
(Please keep in mind the following: I can sing like a bird but I can't read music or play an instrument to save my effin' life...except for the skin flute, but that's a whole 'notha show!)
First, I played the TAMBOURINE! Then I played the MARACAS! And to top it all off, I played the COW BELL!! Swear. to. Gawd! I am so in a band! They LOVED me! So a big ups to my boys, The Shaydes (Marko, Pete, Kevin & Jim). I was the unofficial 5th Shayde Friday night. Lovez it!
So, to make a long story short, I haven't had a chance to talk about that psycho, pap-fuckin', no draws-wearin', aimless drivin', hotel-stayin', no kid lovin', hostage takin' Miz Spears. It's been killin' me!!
He also answered Mike Wallace's question about whether or not ex-trainer Brian McNamee injected him "in the buttocks" on multiple occasions by saying "If he's doing that to me, I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead. I should be pulling tractors with my teeth." HAHA!! Sign his ass up for the Strongman contest!
Clemens also said: "The higher you get up on the flagpole, the more your butt shows. I understand all that." Um, yea, the visual on that one was just HIGHliarous.
