R.I.P. Romeo #3

OK, so y'all know my new fave show is The Pickup Artist, but last week I just couldn't bring myself to blog about the epi; it was too effin' boring. Ol' Fred got the boot, and frankly I don't give a damn.

But this week was GREAT! It had one of the most uncomfortable "reality" scenes I've seen in a long time -- forced (and blindfolded!) intimacy! Yikes!

The boys got a kissing lesson from Mystery's two main bitches: Taaaaaaara & that other chick. They had to practice by makin' out with fruit. No, not Lance Bass -- actual fruit, like peaches & strawberries and shit.

Then the challenge was to kiss a blindfolded Taaaaaaara and come out #1 in her rankings. This is the part that made my ass twitchy. Seriously.

Bitch kissed 6 dudes in a row (although some of the "kisses" were so sad, they don't hardly even count as kisses...). I thought to myself "she needs to get her ass to the free clinic for some Valtrex, STAT!" then I remembered "wait, these dudes've only ever made out with their toothbrushes, so they're probably herp-free."

A couple of the makeout sessions were gettin' a bit hot & heavy -- and I must admit, Taaaaaaara was startin' to get really into 'em, all moanin' & shit...it was great. From where I was sittin', looked like Kosmo's ass was the best kisser. He was workin' it for me. It's like some Oscar De La Hoya thing he's got goin' on...I don't know, but I'd hit it.

So after Taaaaaaara's votes were tallied, and by "votes were tallied" I mean panties were changed, Kosmo was the big winner. His prize: an earbud through which to hear Mystery coachin' him in the club later on from outside in a mover's van. Yea, think Peyton Manning listenin' to his coaches in the booth through the mic in his helmet. Whatever.

To try to save himself from elimination, each dude had to go into said club and find some whore drunk enough to make out with him.

They all failed except one: King Kosmo

He used some cheesy line like "I am tryin' so hard not to kiss you right now", and the drunk ho-bag fell for it, hook, line & sinker. She says "so why don't you?" blah, blah, blah, and then face-suckin' ensued. Hell, that was pretty much more uncomfortable that the blindfolded forced intimacy! Yuck.

So King K chose Joe D. & Joe W. to be his wingmen or whatever, and all 3 were able to escape elimination. It came down to Pradeep (he's gotta be gay) and Scott (can't believe he was still here...) in the final 2. But in the words of MC Serch, it was Scott who had to "STEP OFF!"

No offense, but if poor Scott tried to kick some game to *me* in a club, I wouldn't be havin' it.



Judgin' by the previews for next week, there's gonna be some speedos, more drunk sluts and man cryin'. Lovez!